*waves* =)

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Imagination-Figment, Jan 7, 2009.

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  1. Greetings earthlings, and any other possible visitors to the earth...or to anyone who is in another place other than this planet and has the internet there.


    Well I'm a female teenager at the ripe age of sixteen (nearly seventeen) and I finally got the courage to join this place without feeling like...well I don't know exactly... =S

    Ok....well I am a rather confused, lost person who has contemplated suicide for about a year now.

    I am trying to nutshell this, because I don't want to end up with a massively oversized rant that I ended up with in the last five go's I had at doing this post. Lol.

    Basically, my mind is overly active. I live in it. I talk with my mind SO much more than I talk to real people (which is why I always seem to rant too much when given the chance to spill actual truth about me to others)

    I am now starting my HSC year.
    I, all my life have ALWAYS done very poorly in my schooling. Not due to learning disorders or anything, but purely to my mind never, ever focusing.
    I have very very low self esteem, which also contributes.
    I have never ever tried hard at anything. I have always just done something that is only just passed as acceptable.

    I contemplate suicide just about every day, at the most random times.
    My life to me seems so dreamy and almost not real. It's kind of hard to explain. But really, I just feel permanently 'off the planet' and like I am in a permanent dream or something.
    The thing that has held me back (and I'm real frustrated because of it) is that there are a couple of people that actually really do care for me...and I cannot bare the thought of putting them through pain.

    I look at my future and wonder if I will ever succeed in anything at all...And my mind being the mind it is due to some real screwy things to do with alcoholism and a tinge of drugs in my childhood growing up, always tells me 'no' I wont.

    The way I get forms of fun and happiness is through watching others fun. I watch other people fooling around with their friends, I watch people fooling around with friends in movies, I watch interviews and footage of my favorite celebrities (David Bowie, Johnny Depp) having fun and fooling around, and of their success, and I live off it like some silly little parasite clinging to a huge, mighty lion or something.

    This isn't to say that I don't have fun myself, but I just don't have fun myself as much as I watch others fun.

    At school, or just in public, I give a rather optimistic, light hearted, lover-of-life impression. I laugh a lot, but am also very shy and quiet. I don't really know the definition of me...I'm always changing. A bit like a chameleon, but I look more human like. I hope so anyways.

    Umm...I like to write, wish to play guitar, I love listening to music and watching movies...and well...I'm a bit of an oddball really.

    Anyways, it's a pleasure to become a part of this forum and oh my goodness, this turned out quite long anyway. Ha!
    But yes, I look forward to sharing things on here, and listening to others, and perhaps making friends.
  2. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy


    I wander off in my mind sometimes too, especially when driving :laugh:

    I read that all, though, too, I would've even if it was 2 pages long. Feel free to rant away.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. :shake:
  4. LOL and how has the driving been?

    And thank you :)
  5. Thank you so much :biggrin:
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to sf :hug:
  7. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to sf hope to see you around soon :hug:
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums.
  9. L108935

    L108935 Well-Known Member

    wow, that was fun to read. welcome. i relate to most of that stuff, as if i wrote (or thought about) it.
  10. Speck

    Speck Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :smile:
  11. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Hey welcome to s...( look at the kitty...) oh haha my mind wonders off sometimes too but yea welcome to sf :hug:

    if you ever need someone to talk to about anything feel free to pm me or im me (sn are in the upper right)

  12. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    welcome hun :hug?

    i can relate to almost all you said, but of course in my own ways.
    Worrying about school is a nightmare, you are always lead to believe taht without all this you'll amount to nothing, and ok before i continue, to be a doctor or something 'WOW' yes you do need a brilliant education, but from looking back at my past and how much i struggled and stressed over everything when i was doing it, school is not everything you need. you will get by in life with 'passing' school, but i completely understand your worries about it. :hug:

    hopefully we here at the site will be able to help you through your suicidal moment :smile: is what this place is for ultimately

    so yeah if you havent got bored of my reply ( :laugh: ) feel free to PM me if you need to, or if not i hope you join chat every now and then
  13. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    Hey :)

    welcome to the forum.!

    i hope you find a lot of people like you

    sometimes my mind gets me in trouble.
    i like having conversations with myself.
    it kinda makes me a schitzophraniac...
    oh well..

    umm i also like music and (try to) play the guitar.

    i have a few people to help me out
    and i also think about suicide randomly.
    it upsets me very much so.

    just trying to relate :]
    im also not good in school
    just passing with C's in majority.

    if you want to private message me
    or instant message me, please do so :)

    See You Around :)

  14. You do? Thank you, that's really touching! :smile: Glad I'm not the only one!

  15. Lol, you included, I have found a few like me already! :p

    Yeah, It used to be mostly C's for me, but in the past couple of years, it's taken a downward direction to mostly D's =s. I am trying all I can to NOT do this last school year, as I think it will just be a repeat of the last how ever many I did...lol!

    But you sound like a very interesting specimen indeed! Thank you all for making me feel so welcome. I have a genuine smile on my face! Lol! :laugh:
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