way people see me after

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Reach, Aug 30, 2014.

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  1. Reach

    Reach Member

    there is quote from one of my favourite films, batman to be precise. Goes along the lines of "Either you die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain".

    I've always seen it in a different light to most. Way I see it in relation to myself is if I had died the first time when I tried to kill myself I would have been seen in a better light by the people in my life. Now the fact I have survived and have survived multiple times now the people in my life have become resentful and distant. Almost if the trust is gone and they no longer believe they can continue to stay connected with somebody who is forever trying to end himself. I get it, I mean it must hurt them to see me give up time after time. Bit like the Boy who cried Wolf in many ways, its as if they don't believe in me to get over my problems ever and have given up.

    These feelings also remind me that I do care about what people think of me, even at my lowest points self worth is still important to me on some basic level.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is very hard for someone to witness again and again someone so sad that they just want to end their lives. each time my girl attempts each time she takes a piece of me with her
    and it never fully heals I don't seeit as crying wolf i see it as someone in so much pain that they just cannot hold onto life. they suffer so much pain and so they distant themselves they are protecting themselves hun that all they have not given up on you they just don't know how to help you and that hurts in itself
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Sometimes it's the fear of unknown, knowing ones life might end sooner than later makes people feel weird like that not knowing what to do and just sweep the pink elephant under the rug and forget about it but they're not really forgetting still seeing that lump on the rug being reminded every time by the time they imagine its smooth theyre blind.

    Human nature can be particular sometimes.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    My cousin who lives thousands of miles from me becomes suicidal. she tells me on the phone all about how she has made arrangements etc. Its hard. Because I know that her mother would be beyond grief stricken if she died. And I love her mother. She is my aunt. So it makes it tricky for me to handle. I honestly do not know what to do. I annoy her when she is like that. Because I am doing everything I can on the phone to try to get her to get help in the moment locally. And she just wants to be heard. So she becomes very annoyed with me. Its a tough one. I am sorry you grapple so with the very real pain of feeling suicidal. The pain is real. And huge. I hope that somehow you can stay safe and alive. I really do.
  5. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    I posted this on a previous thread,

    I have always paid special attention on people's behavior, this is what I've experienced first hand on how they behaved after my attempt:
    -angry (specially the ones who had a loved one who had committed suicide)
    -wanting to tell me what not to do
    -wanting to tell me what to do
    -noone mentioned on my Facebook (at least 50 people on it knew about it
    -asked me to keep it quiet and not tell about it
    -a suicide survivors group asked me to yell it to the world
    -most good friends stopped any communication
    -best friends still check on me
    -sister ashamed of what I did
    -father telling me that I took a lot of wrong decisions (stopped after I told him that I learned from him)
    -mother negative and looking to bother me until I asked her to not be negative around me
    -met new people who are like angels and check on me and are there to listen to me (by telling my story to all)
    -priests, the ones you would think would judge you or condemn you, but no, they were amazing and helped me more than any psychologist or psychiatrist, wish I visited them before attempting.
    -some didn't think I could get out of the hole, others, as they see megetting out of the hole, they get upset that I am doing better than them and they stop talking to me.

    I try not to tell anymore, unless I see that it would help them in any way, but once I do, everything changes, some stop talking to me... Forever.

    Don't worry about what anyone thinks, show them you are the same or better, make them realize you are not thinking about it all the time, be happy around them, smile, give love, let them love you and teach them to love.
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