Ways to annoy Santa..

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Spikey, Dec 20, 2006.

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  1. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
    While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
    Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
    While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
    Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
    Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
    Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
    Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
    While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
    Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
    Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
    Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
    While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
    Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
    Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
    Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
    Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
    Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
    Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
    Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
  2. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    :gun: :dry:
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    lol :hysterica :hysterica :wiggle: :goodone:
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni


    Good bit of Xmas cheer there, hun :)

  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Thanks for a smile. So which of these do you plane to do?
  6. Style

    Style Well-Known Member

    I always try the write a speeding ticket gag, but santa always comes after I fall asleep, so I could never find his slay outside.

    The furniture one sounds like a lot of work.
  7. On Christmas Eve:

    Build a raging white-hot inferno in the fireplace. :evil:

    Stuff a bunch of broken glass and barbed wire down the chimney. :lolabove:

    Dial 911 and tell the police that you need a swat team because a crazy old man is trying to break into your home. :police:

    Soak the cookies in urine. :puke:
  8. Syd

    Syd Guest

    The problem is that Santa has to feed the Reindeer a lot of food before their all-nighter around the world. Let's just say his transportation service is kind enough to drop off plenty of their own 'presents' while airborne over parking lots, cars, sidewalks, and bald men. This year, the reindeer have been locked up by animal control, and jolly old St. Nick is taking a greyhound bus.
  9. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    This is a great thread...
  10. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Yeppers, agree :agreed:
  11. Syd

    Syd Guest

    Soy milk + fig newtons.
  12. Syd

    Syd Guest

    Since I live in the ghetto, I have to leave out a bowl of fried chicken and a bottle of Steel Reserve on Christmas Eve for Santa. Not Santa Claus, I mean Santa Martinez. He's the hispanic plumber who's coming by to fix my sink, and he charges less when the residents leave him a snack.
  13. yeahmayb

    yeahmayb Antiquitie's Friend

    I have total annoyance for him----Santa Flush----you know--just spray him down and watch him dissolve--think about it--that would be the ultimate cure for the holiday blues???
  14. Wow, such pathological hatred :jason: of poor old Santa! I think this web-site should be renamed the Homicide Forum.

    I'm just kidding of course !!:yeah:
  15. TG123

    TG123 Well-Known Member


    Cristo Vive!
    - Tomasz
  16. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    So many ways to get to poor Santa. Almost feel like he needs a body guard. :eek:hmy:
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