ways to get the happy going again after heavy opiate use?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by bleedingrage, Feb 16, 2015.

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  1. bleedingrage

    bleedingrage Active Member

    I've been clean 23 days today but am still having a hard time getting the happy going again after a 2 year opiate run. Is it possible that irreversible damage has been done? I can't push myself to get out of bed or off the couch. I don't want to go back to that lifestyle. I'm sick and tired or being someone's money monkey, but I can't find an outlet. Feels like I'm running in place. Everything feels too real. Any and all suggestions welcome. If not thanks anyways.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi I understand you are down but you need to find an outlet to handle your frustration. I agree with you that each day is hard but it's about dealing with one day at a time. You should be proud of yourself as you been clean so far. Keep posting as it will help you.
     
  3. bleedingrage

    bleedingrage Active Member

    Its not necessarily frustration as muchas it is a lack of drive or motivation. On heroin cloudy days were bright, crappy food was delicious, my life was perfect. Not it feels broken. If that makes sense. I crave opiates every second of every minute of every hour of every day. The more I try not to think about the needle the more I fiend. My own track marks are a trigger. I hate this ambivalence I feel on the daily. I don't know but again, thank you. For taking the time to drop your 2¢
     
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your welcome but you battled very day and that's something to be proud off. You are an AMAZING person who just needs support through this tough time. The motivation could simply trying to reach 100 days and then set yourself another 100 days. I know it's tough and you might relapse. You have to dig deep and you will find the inner strength to move forward in your life.!
     
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    The problem with drug and alcohol abuse is that it only masks your problems whilst you are drunk/high but when you have the come down or become clean, those issues that the drugs/drink hid so well are still there, they haven't gone away. I guess in a way taking drugs or getting drunk is avoidant behaviour because you aren't getting to the root cause of why you feel and think they way you do, you are just temporarily blanking it all out. Have you had any support from a doctor or therapist whilst getting clean? I think therapy will help you deal with your issues and help you find a way to solve them so you don't feel the need to return to the drugs when things get tough or go through a rough patch in life. It is hard work, and things often feel like they are getting worse before they get better but the long term benefits make it worth it.

    Well done for getting clean, it is so hard as I know the physical withdrawal symptoms are living hell, even through a detox programme so you have to commend yourself for that. It is not easy by a long shot and it is brave. You have come this far, continue the good work!
     
  6. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Let me ask you something, why did you decide to get clean in the first place? And I'm asking because if the reason was money, other people telling you to quit, or anything else besides you being tired of that lifestyle, you will unfortunately probably go back to it again. I'm not trying to sound like a dick here, but that's just how it is. Unless YOU want to quit, for you and you only, it's not going to work. I know, cause I've tried for numerous reasons myself. I tried for money reasons and that was a huge fail because once I found a way to get money again a week later, guess what the first thing I got was. Quitting because other people told me to was also a huge fail because yeah, the guilt about hurting them got to me at first, but the cravings eventually got to me more than the guilt. It wasn't until I got tired of it and all the consequences it brought upon me on my own that I stopped craving as much. Now, I can honestly say I'm a completely different person than I was about 2 years ago. Granted, I'm not going to lie, I have still relapsed numerous times because both my husband and I are addicts and we end up triggering each other sometimes when one wants to do it even if the other doesn't (we've both done that to each other unfortunately). But, I will tell you this. Two years ago, I was doing anything and everything to get that next bag. Stealing, writing fake checks...etc. Now, there's no way in hell you'll find me doing that again and risking going to prison like I used to. There's no way in hell you'll find me even spending money that I need for cigarettes or food for the week on dope instead. It's only when I happen to get an extra $100 (which honestly doesn't happen very often) and I'm feeling like crap for whatever reason that I might decide to get high again. But besides that, I refuse to do what I used to do for a bag. It's not worth it to me anymore because I know if I start doing that, there might be no turning back and I'll fuck up everything I've worked so hard to fix again. So, bottom line is, you're probably still craving like that because you weren't ready to quit in the first place. Granted, 23 days isn't that long, so it is possible that maybe you were ready and you're just suffering the after-effects of the damage you've caused to yourself. If that's the case, then you need to do anything and everything to distract yourself. Go to NA meetings, go out with other people (who don't shoot dope), etc. It does help. You can't just expect to go 23 days clean after years of putting that poison into your veins and everything just fix itself real quick. It doesn't work that way. But if you aren't ready to quit, then unfortunately I can't tell you anything other than you will eventually go back, but regardless of that...keep trying. It's a very long, painful road and it never ends but we can't give up.
     
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