Ways to Improve Self Esteem

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Scum, Apr 18, 2007.

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  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I am not sure if this is the right forum for this, but if it needs to be moved, then go for it.

    I have noticed a lot of people on here with incredibly low selfesteem and often need/want ways to try an improve their self esteem. (some of the points over lap each other, but as they have been taken from different places are worded differently with a different focus).

    Maybe some of these ideas might help people.

    How to improve your own self esteem.

    ~Apply "self talk" by using affirmations. "I love and accept myself."
    ~Create mindsets. Avoid making up excuses rationalizing reasons for failure or mistakes. Instead, "reframe" things in a positive way (i.e. "Don't slam the door" is changed to "Please close the door quietly.")
    ~Avoid expecting too much of others. Be self-responsible. Do not expect the world to be warm and safe.
    ~Relieve boredom by creating variety in life. Do new and different meaningful things/experiences.
    ~Take control of your life. Write your own script.
    ~Confront yourself to accept "change" as a necessary challenge.
    ~Eliminate fears of failure and success. Do what you believe is best for you.
    ~Stop comparing yourself to other people. If you play this game, you're likely to compare yourself in a negative way and set yourself up for continuing to have low self esteem. Why continue to play a game where you've set the rules against yourself, so that you're less likely to win!
    ~Don't keep putting yourself down! You can't develop high self esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Other people will pick up on it and take on board the negative way you view yourself. How are they likely to treat you? Also don't beat yourself up over "mistakes" that you've made - learn how to reframe them so that they work for you.
    ~Using affirmations is an excellent way to raise your self esteem. If you can programme your mind to repeat negative phrases about yourself (and see how effective that's been!), then you can certainly get into the habit of continually thinking (and saying to yourself) positive statements about you. When you do, allow yourself to experience the positive feelings about your statements. Also use inspirational quotes to assist you.
    ~Accept all compliments graciously. Don't dismiss or ignore them. When you do you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which reflects low self esteem. It also means that others will become more reluctant to praise or acknowledge your abilities, if you don't.
    ~Take advantage of and use life coaching programmes, workshops, and develop a more positive attitude. Whatever material you see, read acts as subliminal learning, which means that it will plant itself in your mind and dominate your behaviour. Talk about food for thought - what diet is your mind on? Is it a nourishing one?
    ~Mix with positive and supportive people. Who you associate with influences your thoughts, actions and behaviour - another form of subliminal learning. Negative people can put you and your ideas down and it lowers your self esteem. On the other hand, when you are surrounded by supportive people, you feel better about yourself, which helps you in improving self esteem. Learn how to develop your positive personal support network.
    ~Acknowledge your positive qualities and skills. Too many people with low self esteem constantly put themselves down and don't appreciate their many positive attributes. Learn how to truly affirm and value your many excellent qualities. If you find this difficult, ask others to tell you. They'll come up with things you would never have imagined!
    ~Stop putting up with stuff! Not voicing or acknowledging your needs means that you are probably tolerating more than you should. Find out what you're putting up with and zap those tolerations. By doing so, you're giving yourself the message that you're worth it.
    ~Make positive contributions to others. This doesn't mean that you constantly do for others what they could be doing for themselves. But when you do make a positive contribution to others, you begin to feel more valuable, which increases your sense of your own value and raises your self esteem.
    ~Involve yourself in work and activities that you love. So many people with low self esteem stop doing those activities that they most enjoy. Even if you're not in a position to to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies and activities.
    ~Start taking action! The universe rewards action. Backing away and avoiding challenges means that your self esteem muscles become weak and flabby. When you start to take action -regardless of the outcome - you will start to feel better about yourself, develop your self confidence and you will start on the road to improving self esteem.

    How to help others improve self esteem

    ~Capitalize on success. Catch people doing things right instead of doing things wrong.
    ~Use positive communication. "I really like the way�" Show gratitude and appreciation for others
    ~Focus on altruism. Allow people to do things for others and feel good about it.
    ~Value and acknowledge others. Recognize all types of people. Accept others for who they are instead of what they do. Reach out to people.

    (obviously there are more ways to help someone, but I couldn't find adult related stuff, sorry)

    This information has been taken from the following websites


    Other links that might be relevent are

    Better Self Esteem
    Ten Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem
    12 Ways to Help Your Child Build Self Confidence
    Building a Healthy Body Image and Good Self-Esteem: A Guide for Teens with Facial Differences
    Self Esteem and Anxiety Disorders
    Self Esteem Ten Ways You May Not Know To Improve Your Self Esteem
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2007
  2. willgethere

    willgethere Well-Known Member

    Thankyou that is very helpful and i will be trying some of these ways :)
  3. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    YES, Thanks Scum, for help on this issue that we could all address.
    I have used methods and find you must consciously TRY if you want to CHANGE. It is not easy at all.
  4. Azul

    Azul Well-Known Member

    Apply "self talk" by using affirmations. "I love and accept myself”

    The problem I have with this is that anyone can do that, so in the end the term “love” is devalued. If you can love anything, then love means nothing.
    I want to love myself because I’m worth loving, not just randomly loving for the hell of it. Doesn’t work that way. There must be a reason for love.
  5. crazy

    crazy Well-Known Member

    one of my really good friends always tells me that if i want to have any self esteem then i need to do esteemable things....they can be as small as telling myself i will get up at 8 every morning and then following through making me aware that YES I CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING i said I was going to do.....or as complex as telling someone that i will do things for them on a certain day and then showing up on that day to them for that person as best as i can.....

    to me self-esteem has a lot to do with following through.....when i follow through on things i feel good about myself and like i can do things on the flip side when i dont follow through and just ditch whatever it was i said i was going to do i feel horrible, worthless, depressed, like i cant do anything at all right
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Just thought I'd bump this in case someone finds it useful. I've seen a lot of people about with low self esteem and thought maybe it might be of use to some.
  7. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Good post! Thanks!
  8. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    ahhh... I knew all of this-- I really did... but ...I guess it's easier to say and much harder to actually do. Like most things. ><

    Thanks, scum.
    I'll have to come back and read this more often
  9. Jackie's Strength

    Jackie's Strength Staff Alumni

    Thank you for taking the time to post this. I definitely have self-esteem issues, and am looking to move in the direction of feeling better about myself.
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