how are we supposed to deal with it? everyday, i go through the same pattern of things. it's always the same. I'll get up and go to school, and then go to work with my parents, maybe finish some work for school and get some internet stuff out of the way, then it's home again. everyday, my parents fight about something or other. my mother is sick with all kinds of health problems. I'm really only around for her. my dad, he's sad about everything that's happening. he gets sad about things, and he gets depressed, but he also gets angry. he once threatened to kill me, he swerved the car he was driving on my side as if to smash it into a telephone poll a little way away, swerved back, and said something like "call children's services, i don't care!" he said he'd leave, and all the other things. he said i was the worst of his kids, and alot of other things. it's okay though, he's only sad because he lost his life savings, and he was a millionaire, but he sent it all away to relatives so they could look after, and they won't give him any back. and because my uncle tried to kill himself, and blamed my dad for messing up his life. it's complicated. but, after all of that, i got really sad about things, and tried to spend alot more time with my best friend, who made me feel so much better the last time i was like this, but, she had her own thing going, and she said she wanted space, that i was too clingy, whole nine yards. it hurt me a lot. here was someone who promised to be there for me, who i've shared so much with, who i've always wanted to make happy, and they just left without waving goodbye. if someone close to me can do something like this, how could anyone else i ever meet not do the same thing when i feel sad again? it doesn't help that, most people i meet tend to think im weird and creepy. even when i thought i was being nice, it was creepy. jeez. when did people start acting like such divas? when my best friend stopped talking to me, i gave up on school. i couldn't do it anymore. every time i tried doing anything, it just all came back to me. i started a journal in january, but that just makes me even more sad. i started reading all these old emails me and my friend sent me, and they made me so happy. but i felt sad because i can never get that back. it was the last straw. i'm a weak little boy, and i couldn't deal with all of it. i've gotten ill. i get random pains in my sides, and chest, and for some odd reason, recently, my neck's started hurting. it's weird. and well i know i wrote a lot, but what am i supposed to do now?