We are finally going to meet

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Pad, Jan 31, 2009.

  1. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    I have been having an online relationship with a girl who lives in another country for about a year and a half now, and we have set a date to meet each other. I'm so nervous, she is perfect and I feel like im not good enough for her but at the same time im so excited that something so good is going to happen to me for a change. We will only be together for 2 maybe 3 days but she will be moving here permanently in the autumn. She means the world to me, without her i am nothing, with each other we are everything. I think we have talked every day in about a year and we talk about anything and everything like she's my best friend too.

    I have serious worries though, about myself. I don't think i'm a likable person and have serious anxiety problems, im currently off work because of them. Im 25 and a virgin, she is a virgin too although has had more sexual experience than me. Ive always been interested in what men and women enjoy in sex and have read and discussed online about it, but i still feel worried that im not going to please her. We talk about sex frequently and what we would enjoy but i don't know, i feel like im just gonna mess it up and leave her feeling awkward.

    I don't know what i want from this post, i think i just need to let out my worries and maybe some people can understand how i feel? Because im so afraid of messing things up
  2. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    Ok, instead of offering you something along the lines of "dont worry", Im going to give you some practical advice.

    Firstly, lets deal with the sex issue. I've been around the block and what you have to realise is that you're putting way too much pressure on yourself to perform. Instead of looking at what could go wrong, look at what could go right. If you think you're going to be shit in bed, chances are you will be.

    So, take a deep breath, relax and start slow.

    I have messaged you a link to a website, I want you to read the article and see what you think.

    As for meeting her, one thing many people dont know about me is that I was once engaged to an american girl. How and why we split up is an interesting story, but this is your thread, so I'll keep it stum. One thing I will say is there is a degree of awkwardness with meeting someone for the first time, because your essentially moving the relationship to another level (i hate that phrase, but its the only one I can think of). Two things you can try:

    1: If your in the UK, theres a channel called the wedding channel, running a programme called "E-love" (this is how little sleep I get) about 2am. Its half hour segments of couples meeting up for weekends at a time. Give this a watch for how people are generally feeling and reacting. If not, try youtubeing it.

    2: It also might be worth casting your mind back to any funny things you two mentioned to each other, things she said that made you both laugh, any little anecdotes, stuff like that. The reason i say this is because, if the conversation dries up a bit and the awkwardness kicks in, you have something to fall back on, by mentioning that, you also make her feel good as she recalls those positive feelings.

    And let me know how it turns out, I hate hearing half a story.
  3. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply, i think that the not knowing what she will be thinking is the biggest worry. We are usually quite open with each other so I shouldn't worry. I think you have given some good advice and will keep it in mind, and that link was awesome :thumbup:
  4. klodo

    klodo Well-Known Member

    Being a virgin myself I dont have any advice whatsoever but wish you the best of luck. Something like this is almost magical in the context of someone's life. I hope its better than you imagined.
  5. cinZamurai

    cinZamurai Well-Known Member

    about the sex part, relax the more you do it the more you will learn about what works for you two. If something feels good communicate it :smile:
    Nobody are sexgods the first time they go about it and nobody really expects it either. Practice makes perfect :wink:
  6. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Few things i think you should know...
    1. Dont beliave everything others say (and yeah, especially if its your g\f)
    2. Girls tend to say they are virgins all the time - even if they are not
    (its make them feel spacial you know...)
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Pad,

    Good luck with meeting her :) I hope everything works out for you.

    Regarding sex,don't worry about it. Leave that happen naturally :hug:
  8. A.Nonymous

    A.Nonymous Member

    Hmm... I really should just make one huge topic of compiled techniques for building attraction and comfort, but anyway... lol

    First of all, congratulations on finally getting to meet a girl that you like. I hope she's as good as you imagine and I'm in a similar situation with a girl that lives in Canada so I can relate to some of your anxieties. Here's some of my own advice that I'm going to follow myself:

    1. Attraction: You both already want to have sex with each other, so there's no point worrying about that right? WRONG! Basically, just be yourself and treat her like you would one of your guy friends: bust her balls. It's funny, it's cute, and the girls love it (even if they say they don't...). Of course, you probably wouldn't kiss or have sex with one of your guy friends (unless you're bi or gay, again nothing wrong in either of those cases), but you know what I mean :p. Good Push/Pull is good here too (2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back. Rinse, repeat.)

    2. Comfort: While you're building this attraction in person with her, you're going to be listening to stories and having fun. Enjoy it, this will comfort you and chances are you'll build attraction further for each other.

    3. Seduction: If you want to kiss her... SHE KNOWS! *gasp* Girls are experts on body language and interpreting HOW things are being said. Genetically, they've been discussing it since they were able to talk. In other words, chances are if she's looking into your eyes and looking down at your lips (you do this without realizing it and she picks up on it and does the same) or ANY other sign whatsoever she could probably want a kiss: JUST DO IT. And then you can back off and ROFL as she jumps on top of you and shoves her tongue down your throat (happened to me the first time I used everything I know, and it was hilarious).

    So basically... Attraction is a game, and you should treat it like one. Don't fear fucking up, and even if you do it's far from over. Just don't go deliberately calling her a whore just to call her a whore or something stupid like that. It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it!
  9. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

  10. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    whtas wrong
  11. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    i remember how excited i was when i made this thread
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    didn't go as you imagined?

    i know the feeling i didn't even meet anyone they ran away and kept teasing me from afar! :biggrin:

    if you feel like talking about it i don't mind listening.
  13. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear

  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    sorry things didn't go the way you wanted them too. we're here if you ever want to talk about what happened.
  15. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    :sad: I know how you feel.