We got back together but she slept with someone else

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by LCA1033, Mar 19, 2013.

  1. LCA1033

    LCA1033 New Member

    I started dating my college girlfriend 4 years ago. everything was great until I graduated. I stayed around town to work on perquisite classes to begin my MBA at the college the following year. During that time we were fighting a lot. I was stuck on the future and she was stuck on being a senior in college. We eventually broke up in October of that year. It didn't take long and she started seeing this other guy who I knew was after her. He was the complete opposite of me. As time went on the heartbreak drove me nuts. I hooked up (didnt have sex) with some of her friends and even dated a few. I drank like a fish and probably had an alcohol problem. Life was rough. Toward the end of that year I started dating a Sophomore from her sorority. She was a sweet girl. Beautiful and full of life and I realized I was smiling. We dated for the summer and things were nice but our age difference got in the way and I broke it off. During this summer My ex had contacted me a bit. the hatred was all talked about and I could tell she was trying to mend the broken bridge. She applied to be an Leadership Consultant for her sorority and was traveling. As time went by I got a letter delivered to my house from our mutual friend in August. It was a 3 page letter from She confessing how she messed up, was so sorry and would understand if I never wanted to talk to her again but that she missed me, loved me, wanted to compromise and make it right and wanted to Marry me. It was the most heartfelt letter I have ever read. I let my parents and closest friends read it. All agreed it was genuine and heart felt.

    After receiving the letter I had questions. She answered them all. Trust me they were not easy. In those questions I found that she
    slept with this other guy. That killed me. I had slept with my high school girlfriend and one other girl before I knew Her but I was her first. It was a one time deal. It tore me up. I could never sleep with any of her friends cause I kept thinking about her ( granted I did fool around with them and that doesnt justify it)

    We skyped often and got back together. I was so happy. Now here I am 8 months later from when I first got that letter. We are still together. Things are great. I'm moving for the summer to spend it with her and I am planning on proposing. Ive even picked out the ring. I love her so much. However my home town is where we went to undergrad and he is still there. Things are fine when I don't think about it or see him but I am Haunted by the fact that she slept with him. I was her first. But I desperately wanted to be her only. Ill be honest. It takes away from her absolute flawless beauty. She and I have talked about it. Many times in fact. She sobs and tells me it only was a few times and that she was always drunk and hardly remembers it. She tells me he kind of took advantage of her when it first happened. She tells me she feels dirty, and like a slut. This makes me feel awful. I don't want her to feel that way. I love her! I just want to be able to forget! I forgive her. Yes its hard. But I cant forget it. I replay a video in my head when i see him. If I never see him again Ill probably be ok. But i think he is getting a Job in my hometown. Just needing some advice
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you cannot let go of the past then you cannot move forward You have to trust her and if you can't then the relationship will not survive
     
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'm not quite sure what to make of this. You break up and she dated another guy who she then slept with, and you're letting their choice of actions haunt you for what reason? I mean, you had a couple of other sexual partners but she's not allowed to have more than just you since you found out you were her first?

    Yes I'd have to also agree with total eclipse that without trust, relationships will struggle and suffer. But unless she physically slept with him while you were an item, then I am not sure what you're basing your discontent on?
     
  4. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    So basically you can't get over your pride taking a hit because you broke up with someone who made you special enough to be her first, and she opened herself to someone else while you made out with and dated multiple women, including her friends. Get over yourself.

    You broke up with her, she was a free woman, and both of you saw someone else, the only difference is she had sex. What matters now is whether and how much you want to let this tainted image you have of her "absolute flawless beauty" ruin what could be a strong and growing, healthy relationship where you forgive and just love her.

    Point is, she loves you, and will probably be your wife, if you can get over it, not this guy who was just a small, meaningless part of her life while you seem to be everything to her. If you absolutely have to ever see the guy, smile and move along.
     
  5. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    And pray for the opportunity to punch him in the face just once. Or move someplace where you won't see him if it bothers you that much.
     
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    after you broke up she was under no obligation to put her life on hold

    and it doesn't sound like she slept with him while you were together

    it DOES sounds like you are punishing her for not behaving the way you did which is unfair

    honestly, if i had been her and you had asked me about who i had slept with during the time we weren't together, i would have told you it was none of your damn business and left
     
  7. Spacey

    Spacey Member

    If anything thank the guy, lol. After all she did write that heartfelt letter telling you how she missed you and was sorry you broke up. Having another boy to compare to made her see what she had all along. Don't you think?
     
  8. PaperFlame

    PaperFlame Active Member

    I have to say, that you had broken up and she had the right to do as she wanted. That being said, I think you'll have a hard time accepting the fact and need to work on it to deal with it. In the long run, I think for her it was good to have it done. If you were the only one she ever slept with odds are later down the road she would start wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, now atleast she has a reference point.

    I hae been in your shoes, even talked to my gf:s exes on numerous occasions and it kills me inside. I cannot offer you advice on how to cope with it as I don't know myself.