We know kath is in a lot of pain and we are going to let her go now trig

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kath, Aug 7, 2006.

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  1. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hi

    i kept wishing i had logged in to the forum this morning and there'd be a thread on there titled 'We kknow kath is in a lot of emotional pain and we are going to let her go now' and then it would be signed by all of you,or many of you, those who know me here.i know it would never happen and that its totally selfish and id never ask anyone to do that kind of thing cos of what it may put on them.So i guess its just a fantasy but a nice one.............thats how desperate i feel right now.

    I want to make it clear that i do not see my emotional pain as being above anyone here cos i dont.Everyone has their own pain,their own problems and pain hurts no matter what caused it.So its not that i think my pain is bigger or worse than anybody elses.im just inadequate.Inadequate in dealing with it,coping and containing it.i see myself as a failure for that and i admire those whose posts i read etc of people who are trying so so hard to continue to battle and try and keep going and trying to stay alive.But battling just isnt for me.i learnt a long time ago the more i battle suicide the more iits come back to hurt me.i should have given up then,ages ago,realised it was a lost cause.That i was a lost cause.

    I feel so bad,so horrrid for what this is doing to other people.Other people have been hurt by this and i feel very much that im a bad person to have ended up in the situation im in.i think that makes me a bad person.But at the same time i know i could never contemplate living and being on the planet until my natural death.

    Ive found this morning difficult and also have already ended up taking a lot of the tablets i take in large quantities daily [to harm and eventually kill myself – wasnt meant to be as slow as its turned out though] already today.

    Is anyone out there feeling upto dealing with somebody in deep difficulty this morning??

    If so please could you post here or PM me.

    But i do not wish for any intervention at this stage,And i mean it.No intervention.im just really selfish and need somebody to talk to today.

    Thankyou for being there.
     
  2. silentnobody

    silentnobody Member

    Kath, are you ok? Go into chat if you want to talk :)
     
  3. It is a fantasy, Kath, it will not come true because SuicideForum would never let someone like you go, never. The advise you give is beyond speechable, its amazing, im quite sure no one would let you go, well i know i wouldnt. The PM i sent just now, ignore it, im not exactly in a good mood myself, i just felt a bit hurt when you said 'you will soon be dead'.

    I dont want you to die, i dont want you to leave me, i dont want you to go, i need you, i need so many on this forum, but they are going one at a time, i almost lost another before, and i dont want to loose any of you for real, it'd hurt me so deeply.

    I also do feel your pain, i really do, but you have to stop harming yourself, i dont want you to go out that way, its going to be more so slow and painful, i dont want you to suffer anymore, but i want you to be alive, im not letting you go, never would i do that, never ever ever!

    So many have saved me on this site, and im not going to let you die, i would never do that, if you leave me, Kath, things would be so different, you've helped me so much, now its my time to help you, i am not letting you go, thats what you want, yes, but its not what i want, so im not going too, i just really want you to stay with me.

    Do you know if there is an afterlife? It could be eternal torture, worse than the world, worse than any torture in this world, it could be seriously worse than here, but it could be peaceful.. and warm... quiet... no pain... at all, no one knows, and those who do know, dont live to tell it because they are there. My cousin, she died for a few minutes, this is very personal, but i want to share it. When she died, she seen a light, and some angels, her family who have died were the angels, telling her 'It isn't your time', and she came back to life, obviously with the doctors doing CPR. That stronged my belief that there is an afterlife, but i'm not sure if its' eternal torture or peace, and the only way to find out, is the way where you dont get to choose to come back alive if it is torture.

    Just please don't kill yourself, pleaseeeeeee :(

    We all care about you, Kath, we all do, i do so much, id hate for you to die as ive said, this is a bit stupid for me saying this considering im doing it soon, but i really dont want you to do it, i really don't.

    Hugs and love,
    Sarah.
    :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
     
  4. keren

    keren Member

    hi kath sorry to here that you are realy down today. i am here if you want to pm me for a chat take care :hug: :hug:
     
  5. Mio

    Mio Well-Known Member

    dear wonderful kath!
    I love you, hun
    :hug:
    I need you
    :hug:
    You're important
    :hug:
    I will be in chat from 7 pm to 8 pm UK time today, so, if you need me, please, pm or just come in chat or email me, please :pm: . Sorry, I can't be here all the time you need a support or a hug :(
    I'm trying...
    I love you


    send you many hugs, flowers and butterflies.
    :hug:
    :pixie:
    :flowers:
    :hug:



    P.S.: God loves you. He doesn't want you to die
     
  6. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone

    Thanks for the replies though im a waste of your time.i really dont see this ending in any other way than my death.

    i send everyone hugs

    Sarah i havve sent you a PM but would like to apologise here too for hurting you.i wasnt thinking at the time obviously.And inow know it was a clumsy and thoughtless thing for me ot say.i am sorry and your anger was totally j
    ustified.im sorry to any others i have hurt too.

    i could probably write so much more.i feel so much emotion inside though right now maybe it would be better if i didnt coss its all causing me more pain and i dont want to feel it when that happens.As isay i feel there could be more to say but i cant write it right now as i feel too physically weak so i'll leave it at this for now.

    Take care
    kath
     
  7. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    KATH~~
    So many of us are hurting, in pain and struggling. Don't let us lose you too.
    I have been holding a quote recently. There was a bad crime, a 6 yr. old girl was murdered. Her name was JonBenet Ramsey. They never found her killer. Anyways, her mom died recently to cancer...(imagine her dad now??) Well, her mom said about the case "We can't let evil win"...I want to die too, but I DON'T WANT THE EVIL TO WIN. I think that Kath doesn't either.
    thinking of you today. write me!

    TLA
     
  8. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    i understand what your trying to say TLA.i used to think like that too.That i would fight this,that i could fight this,that i could even possibly win.i dont think that anymore.You see i came to learn [took me long enough] that the harder i try and fight with suicide the harder it comes punshing me back each time.So now ive learnt not to fight with suicide no more.
     
  9. Shadowplay

    Shadowplay Staff Alumni

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