Hi i kept wishing i had logged in to the forum this morning and there'd be a thread on there titled 'We kknow kath is in a lot of emotional pain and we are going to let her go now' and then it would be signed by all of you,or many of you, those who know me here.i know it would never happen and that its totally selfish and id never ask anyone to do that kind of thing cos of what it may put on them.So i guess its just a fantasy but a nice one.............thats how desperate i feel right now. I want to make it clear that i do not see my emotional pain as being above anyone here cos i dont.Everyone has their own pain,their own problems and pain hurts no matter what caused it.So its not that i think my pain is bigger or worse than anybody elses.im just inadequate.Inadequate in dealing with it,coping and containing it.i see myself as a failure for that and i admire those whose posts i read etc of people who are trying so so hard to continue to battle and try and keep going and trying to stay alive.But battling just isnt for me.i learnt a long time ago the more i battle suicide the more iits come back to hurt me.i should have given up then,ages ago,realised it was a lost cause.That i was a lost cause. I feel so bad,so horrrid for what this is doing to other people.Other people have been hurt by this and i feel very much that im a bad person to have ended up in the situation im in.i think that makes me a bad person.But at the same time i know i could never contemplate living and being on the planet until my natural death. Ive found this morning difficult and also have already ended up taking a lot of the tablets i take in large quantities daily [to harm and eventually kill myself – wasnt meant to be as slow as its turned out though] already today. Is anyone out there feeling upto dealing with somebody in deep difficulty this morning?? If so please could you post here or PM me. But i do not wish for any intervention at this stage,And i mean it.No intervention.im just really selfish and need somebody to talk to today. Thankyou for being there.