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We NEVER get over it

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by total eclipse, Jan 7, 2010.

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  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Get it NEVER NEVER NEVER get over it never it stays inside eating away at us giving us bleeding ulcers cancers mental illnesses Why you think we get over it i never understand WE DON"T okay and if im selfish so be it but im telling all of you NO one gets over anything you just KILL us with you but we are left behind bleeding a slow fff death so hate me for saying it YOu don't give a dam about the ones you leave behind you have to insight no compassion selfish both of us we are but i truly can say i will eventually follow not by my hands but by yours you killed both of us NOONE should have to feel ths pain this guilt no one do something get some help it is there you just have to get it
    Now all of you can hate me if you want sorry too many people are gone and are talking about going sorry i understand your pain i really do i fight it everyday because of what has been passed on to me to carry.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    :arms: I'm sorry.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sad today god i have to work and yet i am drowning in sadness today I even went out and bought some baby clothes to try to cheer me up for my grandchild being born this may oh well i will feel better i have too for them i have to stay well wish someone would just hit me side of head yell at me to just grow up and stop all this bs i shoudl try to gt hour sleep anyways before going to work take care okay everyone just take care
  4. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Violet I feel for you, my daughter did it, and all I want to do is to join her. I will too.
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I agree... I don't think anything ever leaves us. We may store it in the back of our mind or pretend that it was just a bad dream-- but at the end of the day it'll still be there.
    It's really hard.
    I wish that we had a 'delete' button for certain memories and emotions-- like demented robots.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I agree that it never leaves us. Even if it happened years and years ago, it's always there, along with the feelings of guilt, of wishing we could have done more or said something different.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I wish the pain would just leave the deep sadness inside How does one forgive themselves for letting someone down for not reaching out How does one move on I could have save him i should have done more now i just struggle to support the others left behind the others that are just as unstable as he. The only difference now is that i am one of them now i never used to be but now i struggle everyday to keep going I am sorry bro god i am so sorry you just wanted to come home and no one would take your there. I will not make the same mistake twice i promise i will be there for the others rest in peace bro i hope you are not that i believe there is anything but darkness after death.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I wish I had the answers. I don't, because I still haven't learned how to forgive myself either. I know that it's not our faults ... we did the best we could, we did what we thought would help. But I know that, just knowing that, doesn't take away the guilt or the pain.

    Here if you ever need to talk. :hug:
  9. DS

    DS Account Closed


    No. We never get over it.

    For some of us it is in our face, hearts, head, constantly.

    It beats the crap out of us.

    It never eases.

    It never gets better.

    Makes it tough when we walk the fence...for those of us who know both sides/live both sides.
  10. forgotten_poet

    forgotten_poet Account Closed

    The scars that plague both my body and mind serve as a constant reminder. The thanatose drive that caused them will be my eternal enemy, but yet, I consider it my friend...if only I would die. I pray for it, dream about it, and live for it.
    Ironic that my driving force lies in the hope that a broken vein will one day end my broken dreams.
    It haunts us...
    It holds us down...
    It lifts us up...
    And though we see freedom in the sweet release of death, our senses betray us.
  11. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    Well said.
  12. DS

    DS Account Closed

    **HUGS** forgotten_poet

    **HUGS** FourthDerivative

    **HUGS** For Everyone in this thread
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  14. zheming

    zheming Member

    Yes I agreed. We can never forget about all the things that happened before. How I wish theres a medication that can make us 4get all this shit and unfairness hapened to us. Some people will only say only weakings thought of suicide. But have they wondered who created these weakings- Is they themselves.
  15. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    We never get over our attempts either.We think about them every day, thinking about how terrible a person you must be, how much of a failure you must be to fail at suicide-something that seems unfailable.
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i hope you get help with your thoughts to change them to show you you are not terrible you are important and deserve to be happy take care okay
  17. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    i have gotten to know a few people on this site pretty well. theyve helped me and i try to help them. i still want to die, i dont see how anyone would care if i left. but i try and think about those few people on here that i care about. not to think about how they would miss me, but thinking about how much i would miss them if they did it, if they died. i know thats not something i could ever get over. and so i try to keep going. i really do. just in case i matter to someone. and thats the reason the plans im working on are so hard to make, because the goal is to make my death, should it come to that one day, look like an accident, not a suicide.
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    yeh i have thoughts such as those but the pain will still be the same for ones left behind they still will suffer maybe just won't blame themselves so much I would care if something happen to you i know how hard it is ido i understand both sides now i do but i can 't not yet i have to somehow stay strong for her
  19. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    that's what keeps me from doing it. But if I don't make it..its because i wasnt strong enough. And yeah i know its selfish, and i care about leaving my mom behind, but i think she would make it..but i don't think i can. Sometimes we try to get all the help we can, but in the end its not enough. people don't understand the pain and guilt i go through..i feel guilty for knowing one day my destiny will kill her. maybe they will finally realize what it was like for me all these years. It's selfish-i know- but its the only thing that i will have done for me. it's my choice, and death is hard no matter what, but in the end it will only be a sad memory--nothing more. and for some only a sad thought.
  20. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    but in the end it will only be a sad memory--nothing more. and for some only a sad thought.
    I understand i do your pain you sacrifice to stay here i live with that too If you have never lost someone to suicide i don't think you can truly understand the pain and anquish left behind either.

    I hope you continue to have strength and if you don't i hope you can reach out to your doctor the hospital who will give you the rest the strength you need to stay safe okay

    I hate being on both sides because if i was only on one it would be easeir for me to choose.
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