Feel the fear and do it anyway is a phrase my therapist has used a few times. I can't though. Althoug, I did on Saturday. For my youngest son's birthday. I went out to the zoo with the family. Even though my anxiety was killing me. Really killing me. It was shouting in my face. I'm traumatized by that day. How can I be a man, if I can't work? How can I be a man, if I can't even go and pick my children up from play scheme? How can I be a man, if I can't even tidy up a bit around the flat? How can I be a man, if I can't be the one with the answers? How can I be a man if I'm scared to get out of bed? I'm no man. I'm weak. I can't see myself getting better. I've achieved so much and have been so happy, so content. It's over. It's time to let go. My family won't allow me to let go. I'm in so much pain. It's so inconsiderate of them. People don't care how much pain I'm in. They just want me to stay alive, and to do things. The pain is so, so deep.