I'm just so sick of being treated like garbage. I try to help people and be nice to them and go out of my way to make them happy, and no one does it for me. I have yet to have a friend that didn't hurt me or abandon me. All throughout my childhood I had two friends. All the other kids hated me, and told me every day, making fun of me and alienating me. My mom was still in school, so my dad told me not to bother her with it. At family funerals, he always told me not to cry because I'd upset the family members who were closer with the deceased than I was. So I guess I'd say I started bottling things around 5 years old. Well, with continued abuse from my peers and friends, losing 3 friends to suicide, rape at 15, an alcoholic mother, and an abusive father, I've just had enough. I'm tired of bottling, and I just want to scream at someone to help me. I want to yell at my friends to stop taking me for granted and start treating me like a real friend. I just want to feel like someone cares for me. I don't have to be everything to someone, I just don't want to be nothing to everyone anymore. These people have broken me. It kills me to admit this, but they're the reason I hate myself. No one should have that kind of control over me, but when you're treated like you're worthless from such a young age, it's hard not to grow up thinking you're worthless. I know people have been through worse, I just needed to vent all this. I'm angry at myself for letting them break me, and I'm mad at them for being so terrible to me. I'm just so sick of people. This world is wearing me out. I just want to have a normal life like other people. I want to have a group of friends, I want a best friend, I want someone to love me and be there for me, I want to have fun. I just want to be happy.