I need to wait three weeks until I can see someone that may be able to help. I want help but I'm concerned about what help will entail. I'm making an appointment tomorrow, but I have so much I have to do over the next few weeks. This is the worst possible time to be experiencing this. I feel despondent. Despite the constant thought of suicide, I feel more relaxed not stressed anymore, not anxious, I feel as though I'm mid stretch. It changes so quickly. It still feels like there is something unseen but I feel part of it now, part of everyone knowing. I wish I could explain what is, it's like my soul has shifted. Today was strange again, traveling home on the bus I felt so bad looking out the window at the paddocks and the trees I wanted to cry. Whenever I leave my house it is so strange, like it could be a dream. People are so nice it makes me cry to think about how nice they were to me today. In my house it is so terrible, its where I feel the worst. I saw my parents tonight and something wasn't right. It's really troubling me, that everyone except for me seems to know something and not be saying it. I don't know why people would be acting this way around me, I am acting so normal. It's really upsetting me because I don't understand whats going on. I keep reading what I'm writing and, tears roll down my face. What is it. What is it. What is it. What is it.