Weird, more wierd, most weird?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by nfe, Apr 20, 2008.

  1. nfe

    nfe Member

    So.. just trying to get to feel better.. didn't know if this would help, but I hope it will..

    Since I was 14 I have felt down.. and I didn't have my sister around me all the time, since she moved to some.. school.. continuation school (independent boarding school for students between approx. 14 and 18 years old). I missed her a lot, even though I knew that's what would be the best for her.. as she was depressed as well, and needed social stuff.. As I might do as well, however i can't cope with all that, so I'll never go there..
    My problems at this moment:

    Can't get in contact with my girlfriend, that's one week..
    I think she's been with another guy, not sure, however I love her so I can't even think of considering leaving her... so stupid of me, and I'm not even sure :( just saw her walk hand in hand with another guy, might as well just be someone she knows.. However she looked so extremely shocked when she saw me sitting on the bench with a bottle of Smirnoff.. and since that day she haven't contacted me, and I haven't been able to contact her.. so stupid..

    My friends: I got 1 person I feel like i could tell everything ( not about my depression or whatever it is.. and well some other stuff as well I thnk, can't come with an example atm.. well that's it), and he's like.. I think he'd rather be with his girlfriend than me, and I've known him for 11 years.. exchanged me for another person, that he've known for less than 8 months.. of course I know it's what usually happens.. I just got nobody else to talk with.. other than you guys on here, and even though it's nice to talk with people on here.. It's not the same as IRL friends.. Sorry :(

    I got beated down, and I don't know what I should do.. and it's not like it's cool.. even people I don't really know want me to hit the ground..

    and I don't know if I would ever be able to commit suicide.. But I like talking about stuff when I'm sad..

    ITS JUST SO STUPID! I hate that stupid shit school, taking my time.. I should go there in 6 hours.. less even, but I don't think I will.. I'll might just sit all day on msn waiting for my girlfriend, maybe I wont eat and drink.. maybe i will.. I just need to talk with her so badly..!! and I want to talk with my friends.. I just can't take another hour of school..

    I'm weird.. and I feel good about it..

    I can't really see the point in being proud of being weird.. but it feels good somehow.. dunno what more I should write here.. and you can't reply, so you can't tell me.. haha :)
     
  2. nfe

    nfe Member

    And yes you can reply and all that.. But I might won't look at it.. or maybe I will.. we'll see.. thought you couldn't reply on this forum.. doesn't matter.. im just tired and I need to go to sleep before I go crazy... I hated today, because I miss my girl, miss doing stuff with my true friends.. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I NEED! .. need to write more in caps i think.. I never tried screaming at the top of my lungs, and I want to do it.. just that people might think im crazy when i do :sad: and maybe I am.. I guess I should be proud of what i am, else I shouldn't be like what I an.. but I am.. but now im going to bed.. might even get 4:30 hours/minutes of sleep.. If i'm falling asleep... well.. 4:25 If im sleeping in one minute.. and I wont.. :p Good night though :unsure:
     
  3. nfe

    nfe Member

    Well.. Dunno if it's like an update or what.. However:

    Today my sister told me I should stop being a teenager (quite hard when I'm 15), and get to be a little more polite and that kind of stuff.. , and start being more calm and stop being so naive.. But I want to be what I am, and have fun, be like a teenager! She also told me I should stop arguing so much with my parents and stuff.. I felt like, it was like my father, my mother and sister kinda much didn't like me.. And my friends doesn't seem to think that I'm a nice person too.. All I try to be is myself, just found out that I didn't have a girlfriend as well.. and from what my sister said my family doesn't like me either.. (she said quite a lot more than what I wrote here). It's like I'm not getting accepted for being what I am, and as I don't want to "fake", i can't really find anyone who likes me..