stuck in place yet again
so first of all not rlly sure, if this belongs in practical advice or i have a question. so in sophomore yr i was starting at the clock and my phone constantly in english class cuz i wanted the class to end and my the school wifi was shit and kept resetting my game and this kid next to me turns to the side and whispers i think that girls has a crush on me and that i realized huh, a girl? me? it was weird to see my self associated with a gender since i dress like tomboy and act like a loner and that i always saw myself as this pathetic existence that exists so like in a overall 3rd person sense. see for some reason i unconsciously avoided this guy in my head i asked my self why? the voice in my head replied this guy is too much like so don't associate urself with him and this is just me judging by appearances. this kid also turned out to be the school's drug dealer a popular kid with a bland face and misses school a lot. and me being mr with my ADHD i space out a lot day dreaming and this kid's seat was facing me in the next table so like u know how when someone spaces out it looks like they r staring at u? its kind one of those things and so for some reason from that summer i started to notice that kid's name everywhere i still do and i fucking hate this since i barely talked to him and don't give a damn about him i just wnat this name to disappear and stop. and im one of those ppl who rmbr every fuckin bad thing i did and i regret not telling him that day no i had a crush on this female friend of mine but i didn't since it was a quiet class room and those two were talking about me but not to me so that would be like evesdropping idk how to spell it even though im literally sitting next to them in the table and not by choice either since its shitty group activities. and i can't seem to forget that class either since i seemed to have had multiple panic attacks there as well one in a art classroom. so um bottom line here is do u guys know how i can get rid of this problem?