weirdest situation ever

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by kittyD, Jul 1, 2008.

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  1. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    I have the strangest situation and no idea of how to handle it, so I'm hoping to get insight from others.

    My dad passed 12-13 yrs ago, my mom 8 months ago and it centres around her.
    They share a common stone , my dad buried, my moms ashes supposed to be bureid there also, common last name, both their names and dates on the stone.

    My mom had other children before she met my dad and had me. One of them found her before my dad died, met her and I and some of her sisters. She had confided all of this to a friend, and that friend and her had went to Que to see him and his family the summer after my dad died. After making her amends, she made the decision to not keep up further contact and he was ok with that at the time. Since then her friend has gone behind her back, keeping contact with him, giving him my address/email/phone. It almost destroyed their friendship for good, they had no contact for almost 2 years. Eventually they somewhat patched it up, but never as deeply as before. Oh yeah one of her sisters kept up contact even though she knew of moms wishes.

    Now he knew that I would contact him when her time came and that her wishes were that he nor any of the other children attend her funeral. ( I don't think he has contact with them either) I did as she wished and let him know before she died what was going on, her death and sent him copies of the pics from her memorial.

    Her friend has now contacted a different aunt rather than I, saying that she(friend) has invited them to her place and wants to take them to her gravesite. My aunt simply forwarded the message to me saying that she wouldn't touch this one with a 100mile pole.
    I haven't interred the ashes yet, I was considering splitting them and sending them around the country to be scattered and interring the rest.

    So this is my dilemma. This is both of my parents graves together, I know my dad wasn't happy about the fact of my half brother contacting them as it upset all of their lives; he did know of the others before I was born. the cemetery is in the town that the friend lives in, not where I am, about an hours drive away. I feel that it would be tantamount to betrayal of my dad as well as not following my moms wishes to agree to this.
    But a cemetery is a public place, I can't stop them from going there other than making my wishes known.
    My furiousness is with the friend, and I want to contact her and blast her in no uncertain terms. Even though they were friends for many years, I always considered her to be the worst kind of christian,ie the ones who are always so so happy to be sticking their noses in others business, all in the guise of being a good caring christian. But she also spoke at my moms memorial and did a wonderful job, my comment to my family was that it was too little, too late.:dry:

    My other option is to let them go, knowing that her ashes arent' there and they will be grieving at my dads stone not hers.....petty i know. But the most satisfying......:wink:
    Or to let them know that she hasn't been interred and if they would honor my wishes, that I would send my bro some ashes to scatter in her home town or keep some if he wished.

    I see red every time I think of this, its lucky that i don't have her email or phone number right now.

    Now, because I've come to learn that there are some very sensible yet sensitive souls on this forum , I'm asking for guidance.

  2. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    I would go with sending your bro some ashes and ask that he respect your wishes hun. That way you're no way in the wrong and also as for the friend, I'd tell her where to get off.
    I'm sure your bro will only be too happy to respect your wishes if he feels he has had the oppertunity to say goodbye to his mom too :hug:.
    Good luck with this and feel free to PM me :pm:

    :hug: Mel xx
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