Here I am again....setting a plan in action and hoping that I can follow through. The cycle of depression, anxiety, suicide ideation, depression, anxiety, suicide ideation is unrelenting. The thing that sucks the MOST out of being ready to move forward with a plan is the immediate isolation that it creates. Suddenly, I cannot tell people something that will constantly be in my head until the end. I am focusing on enjoying this time when I am spending time with loved ones and trying to not let it cloud my enjoyment of the moment. I want my husband in particular to really enjoy the next few weeks and to have that memory. But I am stuck with this sadness and some fear that I have no one to talk to about it. I wish there were a different system set up. One were people could sign an agreement where the other party is NOT liable at all and that would allow you to talk through some of this stuff. It is just a low blow to deal to people already in a tough time.