Welcome back..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kemra, Feb 5, 2009.

  1. Kemra

    Kemra Well-Known Member

    Welcome back mr deep depression.. I did and said some things today while dissasociated, and I can't take them back without sounding like I'm making an excuse, blaming my mental illness. And i found out its not the first time in the past week or so.. looks like part of me at least has been having some fun. I admit.. I've had vague plans of pushing a final few buttons, but this morning something good happened, for the first time I woke up almost happy.. and I thought maybe, just maybe I can last a little while longer. Even smiled a bit. Looks like whatever part of me is out to get me thought pushing a few buttons would be a good idea, cause I find out this morning he.. me or w/e has given me 2 options, commit to those plans of pushing things to a head, or go down to the hospital and hope they'll listen and lock me up again for a while.

    I'm so tired of fighting this.. and I honestly thought I hadn't had any episodes lately but when I think back I've lost a few hours here and there and I think maybe a day over the last week. What do you do when your worst enemy is yourself? On the bright side my dad and step-mom are both in a deep state of shock. I think dad is starting to figure out his son is an absolute nutcase, complete with cashews and pistachio's in the mix. Only took him 26 years. :blub: