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well... fuck

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bleach, Jan 23, 2008.

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  1. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    I don't know why I post this sort of thing here but I dont know who else to talk to about it...

    Anyway I feel like a total coward and a loser because I will probably drop out of college before next semester. I got a 0.23 GPA for the fall semester... I cant believe I did so bad... my grades have just declined with every year and now that I am 2 semesters from graduating I have been placed on academic probation with gpa under 2.0. I have no idea what to do if i drop out without a degree. I dont have any job skills besides the basic things a high schooler could do. Then again I didnt like my major anyway but at least it would have been something.

    What is pathetic is that I fear telling my parents about this more than even dropping out. I have no idea how to broach the topic with them as they are currently expecting me to graduate i the spring, they have no idea that i just failed everything. I cant talk about anything with them. They will almost definitely just say that Im lazy and wasnt trying.

    Anyway i dont know what to do and I guess thats why my mind keeps turning to suicide. Ive been stuck in the same depression and loneliness for a long time now, you'd think I'd hit rock bottom at some point but I guess there is still further to go.I don't know what to fucking say.
  2. New-Hope

    New-Hope Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're a coward or a loser for dropping out of college.

    Grades aren't everything; colleges and schools just make it seem that way.
    Basic job skills can still get you a job ya know. Or you could get some training in a workplace and work your way up from there. Your personal skills add to these basic job skills too.

    From the "Stay in College" point of view, there's really not that long to go. You could push on and take your finals. That way, your parents will know you've tried and you stand a chance of getting a degree.

    From the other point of view -

    I can seriously relate to the fear of telling your parents. I tell you now, it's not pathetic at all. My parents are the hardcore "You need to do brilliant in school" type. I've been going through this phase of wanting to leave school and when I told them; they freaked on me.
    They stopped talking to me, and pretty much made my homelife hell. So, as a result, I decided to stay in school.
    Just today it was parent's night, and I ended up getting a bad report:
    "She's the most disruptive member of the class and gets in the way of other people's learning" - and thats me just having a laugh with my mates.
    So you can imagine what happened when my parents got home :mellow:

    Clearly, that isn't true. You've tried and tried over the years; and sadly things haven't improved, which is why you want to leave.
    Bleach, all I can say to you is that at the end of the day, it's your life and you should make your own choices. It sounds dumb coming from me, but I'm not "strong" enough to go against my strict parents.

    Don't get suicidal over this. If it's fuelling your suicidal thoughts, then getting a degree isn't worth it...

    :hug: hope you feel better soon and good luck with whatever you decide.

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    Hey babe
    I can only relate to this so much
    Im very about to drop college as well
    well I have since im not going but im expecting anytime a call to my parents about grades and non attendance
    As a fact I dread the call but I kinda dont care about this anymore
    Im also about to graduate within 6 months and have a 24 000 loan on it
    I just think myself as a failure but im too discoyraged or coward I would say to even think about it
    The most ironic part is that they will get the exams results which i greatly fail 2 days after Iam gone
    I just saw that as my mom had a letter about it
    So they ll be grieving my absence and the fact that I lied about everything regarding my health my trust about them my thoughts and evrything related to the outside world this includes college of course

    Maybe im trying to give myself reasons and calm myself with these but ive come to the point you cant go on pretending your successful and like any teenie college student if you are deeply depressed
    Yeah I know that the college board wont take this as an excuse but you cant blame yourself
    Depression is an illness in itself you didnt ask for it you suffer from consequences of it
  4. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    I feel slightly hypocritical replying to your post, as I hold to bachelors degrees and a masters degree, however here goes. Getting crap grades really is not the end of the world. So many young people are being conditioned to accept that they can only be happy if they have a successful career gained through excellent grades. It really is not true. Think about what will make you happy as a person and concentrate on it. I would gladly trade absolutely everything I have to know that I would be happy.

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

  6. New-Hope

    New-Hope Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. I try to look at the positives for my own sake so I don't lose it.
    I'm a little too positive sometimes; suppose I just try to make things look a little better than what they actually are.
    People are telling me now that I'm useless because I'm not going to University and that I'll end up in a dead end job somewhere. It terrifies me.

    - That's what I'm going through at the moment. The not attending part is worse though. Parents hate me for it, and it's hard to live with when they hate your guts :sad:
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