It's been a while since I've been on this forum. I've tried to dedicate all my time to trying to improve my life. So far it's just gotten worse. I can honestly say, I have the exact same thing now as I did when I was 12, right down to the same twin size bed. The only thing that has really changed is the fact that I actually feel worse every day. I just recently got lead on, lied to, and fucked over by my "best friend." I'm used to girls doing that to me though, doesn't fix the way I feel, but at least it's not a new experience. I can't find a job, which doesn't really matter, because I just can't handle the stress of one anymore, it breaks me down even faster. I can't get along with my family. They don't understand anything I try to say. I tell them what's bothering me, and they just wait for me to finish and then tell me to tell them what's bothering me. It's like I've slipped into a big fucking game with them. I don't have any friends left. I have people that like to come around, but only if they need something from me. I've tried now to kill myself 3 times in the past 2 days. And the fact that I'm even a failure at that, might possibly be the worst feeling. So far I've gone as far as to try to sell my soul to the devil for just one thing in my life to not fuck up. Then I realized it's a lost cause there due to the existence of such a being that would give me that sort of divine intervention, is a little too far fetched for me. I don't know what to do anymore, and thinking about what to do doesn't get me anywhere. I've lost all the care I had left for anyone, and anything at this point. Everyone I've ever known has hurt me in the worst ways they could possibly hurt me, and I wish like hell I was exaggerating. I'm angry, sad, depressed, I wanna kill myself, confused, lonely, numb, shut down, jumbled, and just fucking sick of it all at one time.