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Well hells bells

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by zen14, Sep 8, 2006.

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  1. zen14

    zen14 Guest

    Im 31, male, whos been sold out by friends that couldnt understand my depression. Family is judgemental.
    Dad was a piece of shit.

    Oct. 24 2004 I slit my wrist and was found by mom after 2 hours I couldnt move and I should be dead according to two nurses. One said god was the reason i was alive. I have tried to freeze to death and now I have a rope ready to go.

    As of today a "friend" called the cops TO MY HOUSE telling them i was taking too much prescription drugs. WITHOUT checking on me in 4 days. She did it cause she is jilted because I dont "like her back". That was the proverbial last straw.

    People are EVIL.
  2. Tarthenol

    Tarthenol Active Member

    Hey Zen, I'm also 31 and male and no, I am afraid people are not evil as you say. They can be stubborn, crude, rude, selfish, thoughtless, abrupt and inconsiderate, but in all my time, bar those people I have seen on TV, I have yet to meet a genuinely evil person. To be evil is to have no knowledge of love, no experience of respect or comfort or caring, no will to do the right thing nor the desire to see others happy. Perhaps your friend did what she did out of concern, perhaps she did it because she was angry and wanted to hurt you, I dont know. However, I wouldnt use that example to label us all evil.

    Why not give 2 fingers to the world and de different? Why not hang on in there to spite the world? Show your contempt for the slings and arrows and not back down. Let outrageous fortune run riot and yet stand amidst it. You would not believe it, but in all of us there in a titanium rod running up our spine you just have to find it. I suffer with depression, but like the schoolyard bullies, I wont let it beat me. Why? because it is one thing in my life, a powerful thing maybe, but still jsut one thing. I am a myriad of 'things' and together we defy this foulness that saps me of joy, that robs me of life and vitality and denies me happiness. Well fuck depression and fuck pain, bring it on and then serve me some afters. Fair enough I am typing these words whilst all the while feel like I'd love to stick a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger, but if I had a gun I wouldnt do it. Because I am not yet done. My name is Ian, I am 31 yo, I am broken and in pain, physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually and I am not yet done. I have things to do and places to see and yet I am not done.

    Neither are you. Stick with us and put away the rope. I have found strenght in defiance of my problems, maybe you can too?

    Take care,

  3. zen14

    zen14 Guest

    Thanks but no thanks.
    Even my posts here seem to go largly ignored.

    Im drinking till i have the courage to kick the chair or pass out, whicever comes first and this time, i have much speed in me.
  4. Tarthenol

    Tarthenol Active Member

    well if thats how you feel, I respect your choice as an adult and a human being to do as you see fit with your life. I would prefer if you didnt, but that is my opinion, i have no concept of the pain that you alone in that space jsut behind your eyes hold, but your not alone. Dont die drunk either, if you are going to go, go with a clear mind and your wits about you. Depression is a terrible thing, but can you not try to focus your pain into something tangible and then refocus it into a strenght?

    PM me for a chat? I think that you havent really thought this through, but my apologies if you have, I do not mean to sound patronising here?

    Talk to you soon brother?

    Take care?

  5. zen14

    zen14 Guest

    No one takes my pain serious anymore.

    Its time to stop crying wolf.

    White fangs on my ass and I have no voice left. :)

  6. zen14

    zen14 Guest

    Ok well, <mod edit: bunny - flaming>, im out. Not gonna fucking beg for someone to give a shit anymore
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2006
  7. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hun, i told you earlier, that i cared and i meant it, from my heart i meant it, remember what i told you on msn hun, i your ok, if you come on please PM, or PM and ill come on msn as soon as i can and talk to their, dont give up

    thinking of you

    vikki x
  8. curtius

    curtius Well-Known Member

    <mod edit: bunny - flaming>

    Zen...I know you will come back to check this...

    So give me a chance to talk with you ok?

    Lots of people know me here...they have not asked me to leave yet so I must be worth something...

    I will PM you my work email - drop me a line if you can ok?

    I will be here for you and I am not much for selling anyone out...so if you have nothing to loose anyways - whats the risk in giveingme 5 minutes of your time? eh?

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2006
  9. curtius

    curtius Well-Known Member

    well forgive me for being blunt...

    Its my nature.

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