Well here I am....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brokenandlonely, Oct 8, 2008.

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  1. brokenandlonely

    brokenandlonely Well-Known Member

    sitting here all alone and thinking about my life. So many questions that I can't answer myself, will it get better? Even a better one, Will I ever be able to achieve some sort of happiness in my life and be able to break free a little bit from my issue sand this depression. I often wonder these things and if it's even worth going through it daily. I am not able to go out much because of my social anxiety and don't hold a lot of friendships because I have abandonment issues and I have some trust issues. Sometimes I just want to be alone at home in my own isolation. I can't go out a lot only for work and that's about it, I have parents that are controlling and are too involved in my life where I can't do much. Can't talk on the phone without being told who it is or them listening in, can't have my rooms door closed without it being burst open without being knocked on and can't go out without being asked about a handful of questions... is there really any point in me being here? will i find my happiness by leaving? the only sole reason that I see me staying is so that I don't hurt the ones in my life that I care about and that they care about me. Other than that I'm numb to most emotions half of the time and I am dead on the inside. Anyone have any insight or advice they can give me?
     
  2. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    HI harry

    I just wanted to say that i care about you and that i am here for you when you want to talk.

    my msn is judyb2005@hotmail.com if you want to add me

    :hug:
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you feel so trapped...what I do know is that it is much better to take things in much smaller steps...start with now, then today...then tomorrow and build from there...it seems that it can be overwhelming to take on very large questions, which may distract you from having a good 'now'...big hugs, J
     
  4. brokenandlonely

    brokenandlonely Well-Known Member

    Hey, thank you so much for the reply and the comforting thoughts. It is definitely hard but I guess I have to hang in there.. *hugs* thank you for adding me. hope to talk to you soon.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Harry,
    Do you mind my asking? just how old are you? If you are over16 you have options!Have you ever fought back with your parents and made them back off? It kind of sounds like they don't know how to talk and it also sounds like they don't know how to discipline, so they take it to the extreme! I sort of know what you are talking about. My Dad was military police for 26 years. He ran the house like we were part of his airwing.
    We finally settled down in Florida when he got out of the house. Both my sisters and my brother had graduated school so they could do what they wanted, now me I had two more years to go and my parents uprooted me and made me move to Texas. It was like the square peg and round hole syndrome. I didn't belong there so I grew my hair long, kept skipping school everyday, and getting drunk and stoned everyday. If they would have took my oldest sisters advice and left with her to finish school there wouldn't have been any retaliation!!!
    I am not suggesting fighting with them, but I am talking about standing on your two feet and letting them know you aren't going to take this crap anymore!! Or just stand there and look stupid and say nothing, just stare at them. That gets under their skin.
    If you are over you will probably have to go behind their backs but get a job then go down to social services and apply to be emancepated! Then you only have to answer to your self. You can get an appt.and pretty much do what you want. Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
  6. brokenandlonely

    brokenandlonely Well-Known Member

    Hey Stranger1, of course I don't mind you asking me how old I am or anything. I am 23 years old, I really hate to say that and it embarasses me just because of the way that I am treated =( Like last night, I wanted to go out for a bit so I can "change" after working all day(worked two jobs. since 7 in the morning to 8 at night). I actually got a phone call from my dad without it being an hour after when I was off work around 9 asking me where I am and when I would be home and that he shouldn't have to call me again. So I told him I'll be home in half hour or so. Yeah, I know what you mean.. at a time I did as you had said and stood up to them but they threatened to kick me out of the house and stuff.. so pretty much I get treated the same way but I am always in my room and I don't really go out much anyways because of my social anxiety issues. I just thought that as I got older it would be easier for me to be treated like an adult and not like a child.. I am probably ranting and gonig on... I am going to be 24 in two months so I can't wait and see what or how it's going to be different, which is something I'm doubting myself.
     
  7. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    My dear friend Harry

    We have shared a lot of things sweetie and really truly u are a very dear friend of mine , i am always here for u babe when the world looks dark , I know how hard it is to have any hope sometimes and to believe things will ever get better .:sad:

    Id really love to see the world become an easier place for u to live in hunni , I hope one day those closest to u can see that my keeping u so stifled they are driving u away . I understand and we have talked about trust issues etc u and i both have those and i am so happy we have been able to become such close friends . You ve my number , of course we talk everyday on msn hun but im here for u anytime day or night and always will be - holler if u need me , ur a special and worthwhile friend to many harry and certainly to me.

    take care , be safe sweetie :hug: :wub: love ya muchly hun

    tres amigos :wub:

    Jo xxx
     
  8. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    i feel the same way lonelyone, i have extreme social anxiety and massive paranoia. I can't get a real job. I can't compete in this market. I can't even get somebody to let me work for free to get experience. I don]t see myself ever getting out of the house. I really don't mind the house my parents are cool and all, but they insist that i have to 'have a job' and this peonic job i have constantly haunts me so that every minute of every day i am shaking with anguish and despair and fantasies of suicide. i cant function in this society
     
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Well I see you have some wonderfull support!! I didn't realize you have made such good friends!! Have you thought about renting a one room flat so when you come home from work you have some breathing room? You can kick off your shoes grab a cold drink and just vedge out for a little while!I agree that if you stay with your parents they are going to push you away. Just tell them you are at an age where you need to have the privacy and leave it at that. You don't have to explain yourself to them You are your own person now!! I hope this helps you a little to get some peice of mind!!!Take Care!~Joseph~
     
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Harry :hug: I'm always here for you hun, you know that. I'm sorry i'm not around much anymore. You can email me, i always check em, especially at college. And will reply straight away. Please email me, cos i won't be on all weekend, to let me know your ok :)
    <3
     
  11. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I hope you have gotten better since you have posted this. Feeling dead inside is how I felt before I tried to give up completely. Meloncholy only works for so long. I will keep you in my prayers. Blessings..
     
  12. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    harryyyyyyyyyyyy, there isnt much more to add to what has already been said :hug: :wub: jsut letting u no i love u and i am here for u if u need anyone x
     
  13. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    I know what it is like to be dependant. It's not easy.I just said a prayer for you.,maybe you might like to.Jusy try to make gradual changes. A support group might help you r social anxiety. Look into 12 stepor other types of groups. There you can meet people that have the same issues and they will be sensitive and make it easy on you. Also gradually work towards financial independace. The if you really have to go you can. I'm sure your parents think they are helping and have their own issues too. But you can make changes gradually. If you do others won't noticwe the big chnage and you can slowly create the life you want.

    Please write if you like,

    Marty
     
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