well, here it goes again

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by FBD, May 2, 2011.

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  1. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    Ive been losing my head recently....at least thats what i call it when i start to lose control over my thoughts and desires...summer for whatever reason always ends up being pretty bad for me, and i thought winter was supposed to be the worst. its weird, i mean i was hospitalized over the summer cause of an attempt, but i dont think thats the cause since it was like that for a while.

    anyways, i dont want to try to end it again, ive tried too many times with out success...but instead ive been hoping for an "accident" anything really, car accident that ends it, wrong place at the wrong time in a dark alley...anything that could do it so i dont have to and wont fail again.

    i just want to drink and smoke and feel numb...just numb its better than this empty useless worthless feeling i have. that is how i feel really, worthless. my boyfriend tries to tell me im worth something just as much as everyone else in the world but i dont see it. i know he tries to help, but i just tend to get frusterated from it...i mean he means well i know it, but i duno i just feel worse after talking to him. like i know what he says is true and i know hes trying to help but since it really doesnt i just feel guilty, like im failing him. hes putting in effort and it...just...im not any better for it...

    it just seems like such a good idea to just give in, give up, and just dissapear off the face of the earth...just let some accident, some horrible tragedy take me, that way i will go, and not have to worry about failing an attempt again

    i know thats probably not a good thing to wish for, which i guess is why im posting...im not sure what i want from this...but it felt like i good idea to say something...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    ah good to get you thoughts out of your head sometimes you sound like you need your medication changed up abit if the thoughts are coming back stronger. You have a caring bf that is something positive in your life. I hope you can talk to your doc to see what other therapy or meds can be tried to help decrease these thoughts. Posting always helps too hun it does glad you are reaching out a bit here hugs
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with total eclipse.. You should tell your pdoc that the meds aren't working.. He/she should make changes..Everyone is different, what works for one may not work for another..
  4. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    I'm not on meds, I stopped doing that a while ago. I've thought about going back to that stuff, but havent made it yet
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