Well, Heres My Story.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Keiran, Oct 10, 2010.

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  1. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    All my life, I've tried to be happy and get through anything. Truthfully, I've haven't been happy in years.

    Every day I feel like I don't belong this world. People who are my "friends" just make fun of me and don't care about me. You know how there's just that one kid in every group of friends, that everyone hates? Well, that's me.

    I get out of the house maybe like once a month, besides school, and see a movie or something, then its back to being at home all alone.

    And last (school) year I got to the point where I was about to kill myself. But there was someone in my life who stopped me. Gave me hope. Then she recently told me she was having similar feelings and actually tried to kill herself.

    So, at the start of this year, I decided I was going to try to turn my life around, be the opposite of who I was. So far, that has not worked out at all. I try to make things better, and only make them worse. I screw up everything, and get caught for everything I do.

    After the 1st week of school, I already got suspended one day for being tardy 3 times. Not tardy to school but just to whatever classes. The next week I got another tardy, which means I have to go to an alternative school for a day. Well, that is a little different and you have to talk to the assistant principal and all that before you actually get it. They call your parents if you get into that much trouble. My parents told me a while ago that "this is my last chance" because I get in trouble for so much crap and next time I get in trouble(for something big, like getting sent to an alternative school) I don't know what punishment it will be, but it will be big.

    My parents were already freaking out when I got my second tardy, so when they find out I've gotten my 4th, I don't even know how mad they will be. So, whenever I get called down, which is probably soon, my life is probably going to be over because I'm gonna be grounded forever and not gonna be able to do anything for a looooong time.

    Things just keep building up and I feel one day I'm just going to take the easy way out...
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2010
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    All I can say to you at this point is that you are young and there is plenty of time for you to turn things around and have a very good life.

    I was a kid that was picked on, and though not hated per se, just an odd man out most of the time. In college I joined a fraternity to try and make friends and it worked out. I'm not saying you should do that but you could meet many great people in the coming years.

    Forget about these tardy's, etc... for now, but try to hold on for the rest of the year so your parents don't come down too hard on you.

    Have you been in any therapy at all? I didn't get into therapy until I was in my 30's or so, though we did have some group meetings as a family when I was in my late teens -I come from one really f'd up family-

    So, please take care and good luck the rest of the year!

  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    If it feels better at all, I was voted most likely to be in jail, and today, I have a successful business and a rather satisfying life (although I am going through a rough spot right now)...your life will not be over, but do understand that the best way to be in the world is to be yourself...you are valuable and deserve good things...see what it will take (maybe seeing a counselor) to get to that point...please continue to share with us what is going on, and try to be on time...big hugs, J
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think talking quietly to parents first before school calls is a good idea. Tell them it was for tardiness god not like you meant it. Have you been tested by school board for learning difficulties or understanding difficulties my daughter could not tell time no one picked up on that till highschool. Try to get some councilling okay just to help you deal with stress. Soon you will find that you can move on and do what it takes to become what you want to be in life. I am glad you can talk here as well and hope you can get some help for you okay take care.
  5. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    I haven't been to any kind of therapy, the only person I've told is one of my friends. Have never told my family or anything. And I feel like if I tell my parents about the tardy thing before school calls, all that will do is make the punishment come faster.

    And also something I forgot to mention is that all the pressure from school, trying to get good grades and all, just adds to this. I don't do bad in school but I don't do that great and I feel like I'm just not gonna do good enough and I'm not gonna get into college. I just want all of this to be over.
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