Well Hi There

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Ahmandah, Feb 11, 2013.

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  1. Ahmandah

    Ahmandah Member

    So obviously I'm new, or I wouldn't be posting here, lol...
    So quick thing about me. I tend to ramble on and on. My mind races ALL the time and my fingers can hardly catch up half the time so if it seems like I'm in a race or something, I kinda am. I hope I don't get too confusing... I also type exactly what I think and say cuz if I go back right away, I forget what it is that I am saying. So if I forget to go back and add or remove things, I super hardcore apologize. I also swear like a sailor. I know, attractive, right?
    Anyways, onto me. So I am 20 years old. Yes, I'm female, and I have gone through what every young woman like myself goes through. I have had my heart broken, I have had tears flow from my eyes. I have had everything you can think of an average young adult in this day and age goes through. But I have gone through a little bit more as well.
    For as long as I can remember I have had the diagnosis of depression... And within the last couple years or so, high anxiety, PTSD, and disassociation have been tacked onto it. I have hopes and dreams that are so unrealistic that it's ridiculous for me to even want them to happen, but I do. Idk if you would classify it as anorexia, but I def have weight issues. I cannot allow myself to get over the weight of 135 (at the most) and I'm 5'7". If I don't feel like eating, I simply won't do it, or I feel gross and want to be sick. Weird right?
    This is getting long, but I feel like I'm not even close to you even beginning to see what makes me, me...
    I would love to be able to tell you that I don't let my mental insecurities and disabilities (or whatever you so choose to call them) effect me in my day to day life, but I do. There are times where I don't want to move from the floor and there are other times where you can't get me to stay in this state. I tend to run away from everything, yet at the same time, try to confront them because I know that is the way to solve it.
    I have gone to the psych ward, been put on meds, been to therepy... I have self medicated, self mutilated, and attempted. I have lost a child, lost a love, and been so alone, the voices in my head disappeared. Yet I'm still here. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm supposed to do what I do best, listen and help others and take care of the ones I love...
    I am a 20 year old female, but I am so much more as well...
    I am Ahmandah.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Ahmandah yes you are so much more hun You are important and special I am sorry about your loss hun of your child and your love I am glad you are here reaching out hun Noone here will judge you Hugs to you
  3. Senada

    Senada Well-Known Member

    Welcome Ahmandah! :)
    I hope you'll find the site helpful, no one here will judge you. You're special.

    Many hugs from Ada
  4. kinetickrown

    kinetickrown Member

    Hey I'm new here too and going through a lot of the same things so I can relate. I am also 20 years old and suffer from schizoaffective disorder. Every day is a battle as I try to cope with paranoia and suicidal thoughts. It's nice to know I have a place like this to talk about my problems. I think a lot about everything I've lost (family, friends, love, and my sanity). I've been to the psych ward 5 times in the past year and can't seem to get anything right. I've been on so many meds it's ridiculous. Now I stopped taking my meds and things are getting worse. I'm trying to get sober and stop self medicating with weed and alcohol but its so hard. I just want the pain to go away. I guess I care too much about what everybody else thinks. I just want to be accepted and taken seriously instead of being called crazy all the time. So im here if u need to talk. My bad for writing a book haha I just thought I should share
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Ahmandah. I am sorry to hear that you have been through much loss in your 20 years. And too much pain. I am glad you are here. I think you will find this a caring community !
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hello and welcome. I hope you find us all beneficial as your peers and I look forward to seeing more of you!
  7. Ahmandah

    Ahmandah Member

    Thanks guys. So far it's very helpful. :)
    Nice to meet you all :)
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