well i am going to die

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by PJLane, Jul 27, 2012.

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  1. PJLane

    PJLane Well-Known Member

    im going to be dead in a matter of days or weeks. i have lost everything and have nothing left. my family have abandoned me and kicked me out of their home (not my home, theirs - it always has been theirs and never mine). i have not a friend in the world, right now no one even knows where i am and no one cares. i am jobless, homeless, broke, fat, single, alone, and am going to die in some random fucking motel. i am so heartbroken and hurt. i can not tell you the pain that comes from being alone, all the time. it destroys you. when the parents who gave birth to you dont even care where are you, nothing can heal that. the only thing keeping me going was the sadness and guilt i felt for not wanting to hurt people. but the reality is, i will hurt no one, because no one loves me. at least all my pain will finally be over. i cant even write down what has happened as it hurts so much. all i can do now is pray that i actually die and there is no afterlife so i can finally be free. I guess i should be thankful for the last 2 days, as i was planning to kill myself in 2 weeks but had some tiny spec of doubt. thanks mum and dad, thats now gone and my pain is great enough to overcome the fear of suicide. i guess everything happens for a reason right.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I care if you die. Please don't give in to the impulse. It is never too late to make decisions and changes for the better. The changes might not happen overnight, but things can and will get better.

    I'm thinking about you. :hug:
     
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    :( i am sending my care as a fellow homeless.. Im not exactly in.the same situation but I want you to know I am here and care. :hug:
     
  4. PJLane

    PJLane Well-Known Member

    thanks for the replies. however the truth is even on here no one really cares, no one even knows my name. i might as well be already dead
     
  5. Senses

    Senses Member

    There is fact in your statement and I won't dismiss it at all. Though I do not know your name, know what you look like, know the ins and outs of your thoughts, know more than what you share here; I actually do care. That doesn't diminish the pain you are experiencing, but maybe you can find some peace somewhere knowing that someone out here is sending light and hope to you.

    May you find a way to a pathway that feels and IS better than right now.

    Be well.
     
  6. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    You are wrong, I was just thinking that if I lived in Australia I could have helped you more than with just words. But I don't. Please keep fighting and prove all those people who hurt you, that they were wrong about you.
     
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    People here care, even if we don't "know" the person by name or sight. We aren't physically present, so yes, that is different than in "real life." But we do care.

    Lots of things seem to be going on in your life, that's true. And I'm sure it isn't easy. The most immediate thing is to get some food and shelter for you, so I looked up a page for help for homeless folks in Australia...http://www.homelessnessaustralia.org.au/site/experiencing.php I expect that they might be able to direct you to other services for the other issues you mentioned.

    Please stay strong and safe. :hug:
     
  8. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling the same way too matey. I wish I could tell you things would get better sometimes they do sometimes they don't. You clearly need support and those around you have abandoned you at your most vulnerable, which shows their character. Your better then that. Hold on, your life and experiences are very important to people who use this forum. Your struggle gives others hope.

    God Bless
     
  9. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    As the others have said, it's quite real that we care about people we don't know. From someone who feels just as alone as you do, all I can offer you is that you have to let go of those who don't want you and find those who do want you. It is said that often our real family rarely involves people who are blood relatives. Think of it this way, you are absolutely and totally free now - free from those who have expectations of you, free from those whose words would hurt you, and so on and so forth. So rather than letting go of your life, let that old aspect of yourself die instead. If you physically die, you're just allowing your family to have the last word, it's one reason why I refuse to die because I just hate letting others have that kind of control over me.

    So pull it together and go do what it is you really want to do or find something, that is. Everyone has something they enjoy doing, that makes them happy. Whatever that is, just don't kill yourself, please don't. I for one would like to see you make something of yourself. It's okay if you're too hurt for any of this to sink in, but at least give it a go.
     
  10. please stay strong sweet heart x
     
  11. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    aww, :( I'm so sad for you. Life is unfair. It doesn't make sense. I wish that you and others on here had more support. It's awful being alone. Just keep on fighting and keep on staying strong :hug:
     
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