im going to be dead in a matter of days or weeks. i have lost everything and have nothing left. my family have abandoned me and kicked me out of their home (not my home, theirs - it always has been theirs and never mine). i have not a friend in the world, right now no one even knows where i am and no one cares. i am jobless, homeless, broke, fat, single, alone, and am going to die in some random fucking motel. i am so heartbroken and hurt. i can not tell you the pain that comes from being alone, all the time. it destroys you. when the parents who gave birth to you dont even care where are you, nothing can heal that. the only thing keeping me going was the sadness and guilt i felt for not wanting to hurt people. but the reality is, i will hurt no one, because no one loves me. at least all my pain will finally be over. i cant even write down what has happened as it hurts so much. all i can do now is pray that i actually die and there is no afterlife so i can finally be free. I guess i should be thankful for the last 2 days, as i was planning to kill myself in 2 weeks but had some tiny spec of doubt. thanks mum and dad, thats now gone and my pain is great enough to overcome the fear of suicide. i guess everything happens for a reason right.