Well i did it.....

[White Dove]

I finally got the courage up to visit an old forum that has hurt me many times over and seen some hurtful things said about me there , and this was recently... but it did not hurt that much to me because it is just words and just their thinking of me and not what God thinks of me... so i did it.

I finally made the time and had the courage to type out an apology to those on there that i had hurt in my past and did what God wanted me to do. I asked them to forgive me.. I am almost afraid to go back because i have this fear that they will take my words and say really mean things and bash me like something terriable and i am not so sure that i could handle that either???

I did what God wanted me to do.. It is required is it not? I mean i did hurt several there and God would require me to at least ask them to forgive me , right??? I am dying and have little time left and really needed to do that for my consence toward God, I really need to do a lot more , especially with one couple but that has failed me. I cant make them do anything and all i can do is what God wants me and requires of me to do and the rest is up to them...

I know that if i get the courage to go back there just to see if they accepted my apology and if i do find out that they sdaid all matter of hate and bashing me for it then i will feel really down and will really need you all here,... Perhaps i should not even go back there anymore?? i just dont know, guess thats why i posted here in the uncertainty , cause i am really uncertain.. i will pray on it and about it tonight to God... Guess thats all i can do..

Took me a long time to type that apology out too, but i just had to.. my heart could not go on without apologizing.. I did hurt several there, thing is i think the admin there may just delete it, wonder would God hold it against me if the admin from that other forum delets it and when i really needed to apologize???

Well i may need you all tomorrow night?? uncertain about that but if i do need you i am not trying to use you or anything like that and i am certainly not even dare trying to steal any love , just would need your support...

 

[White Dove]

Well i went back to that site

was hurt a little two but i did post a few things there..

Did get a pm from the admin who basically said they were judging me for now because according to them my brother came online and posted there then went somewhere else and something else was posted and now they think i lied or did it or whatever..

so be it.. let them think that way.. they cant help themselves.. that is the way they are.. they were not here on the other end of my computer and dont know.. perhaps my niece used my computer once again while i was camping???

Who cares what they think of me anymore.. i have a camping ticket and proff from the owner at the camp i was camping there all this time and the time during when ( THIS ADMIN ) says i was here on the computer...

told me not to come there asking for forgivness or talking about God cause i was lying, etc?? that is their perception of me and i dont care ..

what matters is how God sees me.. how he knows me and my heart.. nothing else matters.. not what man does , not what they think of me.. nothing...

i got a ticket to prove where i was at when all this supposed to have happened... let them think that way of me... i dont care.. it will be upon their heads when they die and i can only hope and pray that God can forgive them for they know not what they do...

telling me i was spreading more lies??? what a crock of bull.. guess i will go into my history if i can remember how and see what happened and all.. and see who was on my computer

First reply to me... , this was right after my apology

QUOTE "

.I am going to tell you something.

First off you need to keep your lies straight and sweep behind your own door before you spout off about "god" or anything.

"QUOTE

2 nd reply to me after i wrote them back

QUOTE

I am taking you for what you show now. First someone comes on here saying that they are your brother and they have sent you for help and so on...then i read you on another forum the very same night posting other lies.

So don't sit there and give me that "judging you by your past". If you want to come here and post and joke around fine! But none of this forgiveness crap....or trying to make people feel guilty. If that is understood than stick around. YOU need to let it go....

QUOTE


Now if they are here reading this..

i was NOT ONLINE AT MY COMPUTER AND CAN show you my TICKET FROM THE CAMPGROUND .. i can also have you speak with people who were there at the camp that can prove to you i never left that camping area until i checked out.. so whatever.. believe what the heck you want.. i dont care anymore.. i know i am in the right with God.. I know i have not done anything wrong.. and if someone was on my computer it was NOT ME...


See i get blamed because they cant leave my past where it should be... just because someone ( perhaps my brother / my niece ) was using my computer and posting and yet this person thinks it was me.... oh well i guess thats what they would see

i also know they have been coming here diliberatly to hurt me and my reputation , by registering and pming others here, well if others who do not know me truly and deep down want to believe other people about me and take their word for it, lwet them.. God has his way of dealing with them and he will.. God knows my heart and my true self..


edited to say why would anyone feel guilty in the first place unless they know they did something wrong???? when they said they seen me on another forum posting more lies they was wrong... i was not online at all but was camping and i have not only my camping ticket from the campsite i stayed at but also prove from the other campers there and others , namely nathan from portland tennessee who was so nice and we swam together and everything.. anyone want his number to verify it??? i will freely give it to you or have him call you if that is what it would take..

dont judge someone.. just because they got a cpomputer does not mean they use it , they can sharte it with others which my brother did use it and perhaps my niece went back online to use it.. go ahead and believe what you want to timeless... i dont care.. but i especially am not going to take being called a liar anymore... i dont sddo those things anymore and will not take that abuse from you or anyone else... I AM NOT A LIAR

you dont like it then shove it....

btw

my brother stayed only through lasbor day then left.. i stayed longer...