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well I did something dumb..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by jenniferelaine, Aug 10, 2010.

  1. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    ...ex and I still have each other on various social media. (I know, I'm about to get my hands slapped). Most of the time it doesn't bother me. I have him blocked from my feed on FB (learned that the hard way), neither of us have logged into MySpace in gourds knows how long, and I DO have him blocked on a couple of chat clients, but not the one that would block him from my e-mail.

    We aren't talking, though the temptation is there, at least on my part. I usually deal with it by making him "invisibile". Knowing we can see one another, we keep it civil. No demeaning status messages. I don't go "WOE IS ME!!!", and he doesn't villanize me or proclaim his love for his new girl on those venues. My motivations for not keeping him invisible all of the time? Mostly selfish.

    On Friday, he had up some song lyrics. I think he put them up for the first two lines, which were basically, "I'm moving on with life." Okay, hurts, but I can deal with that.
    The next two lines referred to another song which is about prisoners singing about a time before their lives were crap, and wanting to be back in that time. I think you can tell where I took it?

    .......so I IM'ed him, and essentially said "I know it's not about me, but the song reference is really painful". He changed the message. The end. and right now I'm feeling like I should've just sucked it up and taken it? I'm not sure exactly. Just that I shouldn't have said anything.

    (Because, honestly, I'm trying to leave him alone so that maybe, one day, he'll talk to me again. I made it 30 days....but that status message was just too much.)
  2. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Well if its over, then you need to just delete him from anything. I know some people like to stay friends with their exes, but if you still have feelings for him and it isn't reciprocated then you need to press the delete button and move on. Again, I know sometimes I give harsh advice when it comes to relationships, but keeping cyber tabs on him will not bring him back and will probably hurt you more in the long run. Especially so soon after the break up. How are you supposed to get over someone if you don't let go? You can always reconnect later if you so desire. Just my two cents.
  3. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Some tips for you - use reverse psychology. The more you show you're needy, the more he will want to move on. If you can somehow show him that you're the one who is moving on, trust me, he'll come crawling back to you. Even if you have to fake it. Under no circumstances should you give any hint of pretending or breaking under pressure. Act confident, stable, and on top of your love life. That's the only way I can think of for you to be in the dominant position. Others might have better advice. It really depends on what you want from him. Do you want to move on (which is why you've deleted him)? Or do you want him back or just want to be friends ('cos you said you wanted to talk to him in the future)?

    If you want to move on then find a new guy. If you want to still be friends then screw the mind games and just write one e-mail a month or something talking about ordinary small-chat type things. If you want him back then do the mind games and follow the process in paragraph A above (it requires skill, patience and dedication though).
  4. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    BB- I still want there to be some kind of connection, eventually. The chances at there being a romantic connection are so dead the rotting corpse has made people run away for miles around. I *really* screwed up there by going psycho after the splits (yes, multiple).

    I'm not trying to just *act* stable, I'm trying to *be* stable. It's a little hard when right now, his roommate is one of my main sources of emotional support. (He went through much the same thing, and we were friends before, so there's a lot of texting, IMing and hanging out at my place)

    The reason he isn't deleted deleted from my life is because of the HUGE amount of anxiety it causes me. I'm okay if he's on "invisible" and I just can't see him--because then all I have to do is un-invisible him. But once I delete him, if i want to look/talk to him again, in a lot of clients he has to approve the add again. It places the power back in his hands. And for some reason, he hasn't deleted me on anything...
  5. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Well, good communication is key and perhaps you can just flick him an e-mail saying hey look maybe it'd be a good idea to take a break and request that he blocks you (and in turn you will block him) for two months - you know, come to some mutual agreement. In that two months get as much counselling etc. As you can so you can get your life back on track, and then get back in touch again on 'friendship' terms after that two month break period.

    Secondly, it'd probably be good to be clear with the friend you have now to clarify whether he has any romantic intentions, because if you look up 'ladder theory' you'll see that for guys showing support to a woman generally means they want to be more than just friends (unless, for example, he already has another partner or if you're really unattractive).

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2010