well i guess

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tenholehweels, Jul 1, 2011.

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  1. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    i'll just go ahead and finish it, i thought i could be with someone
    other than my wife who left me 7months ago.

    i was hopeful with a woman from my past who contacted me
    when she heard i was alone,i have spoken about her here briefly.

    well whenever i think about it i get sick to my stomach and i
    have stopped talking to her.

    i really love my wife i want her but theres no chance she will
    ever come back..he has money and is tall,rides a harley i mean
    he's a dream any woman would want..i'm a sick disabled nothing.

    so i have my xx ready and when Jens mother picks her up
    tomorrow i'm going to do it.

    i will probably post a goodbye when i go to finish it.

    thank you all for trying to help me but i can't live with
    this.

    Wayne
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 2, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Wayne...I have no real words of wisdom, other than to say, you are cared for here, and I hope you know that you are worth so much more than you present...please be safe and continue to share with us...J
     
  3. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    i don't know if today was a reprieve or just further torture.

    my daughters mother won't be able to pick her until Monday.

    so here i sit just in limbo wanting to die,trying not to show my
    pain to my little angel.
     
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    May I ask what thoughts were going through your mind that make you sick to your stomach?

    Would you not even consider to be strong and live...be there for your "little angel"?
     
  5. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    i think it stems from my absolute commitment to my marriage
    vows, yes she broke hers i know that.

    but when i promised till death due us part it wasn't just words
    i am ex-military and come from a military family so vows are
    sacred to me.

    but yet i told myself theres "nothing wrong with talking is there?"
    and as long as it stayed just friendly chit chat all was fine.

    but as it often does the conversation turned to things of a more
    intimate nature and i could feel my stomach knot up and i had
    to throw up.

    as far as staying for my little one? i have thought a lot about that
    and theres no point.

    i don't want to be a burden on her,and taking me out of the equation
    takes the pain of going back and forth between mom and dad..she always
    cries her little eyes out, and the other day she was singing to herself but
    i heard her quiet words "i want my family back,i want mommy and daddy
    back" i had to cry i couldn't help it.
     
  6. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    While I appreciate that “vows are sacred to you”, what about life itself? Is it not more sacred?

    Not only that there is nothing wrong with talking, but nothing wrong with your true feelings with whatever is going on in your life situations. You have the right to live a truthful life and be human…

    Can you imagine how your daughter would be? Would it be really better? Really truly? Nobody can really know the future, but if you really love her, I encourage you to look at it more truthfully…

    Again, it may take time to let go what is no longer serves or what no longer fits so that there is room for something new, alive, and what is needed at this time in our lives. Please let the sacred life take its natural course...give yourself time...
     
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