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Well I Tried...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Nov 11, 2007.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Guess this wasn't the place for me either. I feel so alone. When I found this site ( truly was an accident), I thought what could it hurt? Well it hurt alot. I thought I could feel like I belonged somewhere. Somewhere that people shared the same thoughts and feelings as me. A place where someone might care enough to share with me. The last two days have been Hell. I have been trying to deal with some major mental health issues alone. I have my kids here this weekend, but am still alone. They sense something is up with me, but what can I tell them? Hey it's okay, mom's just feeling like the world is kicking her in the ass and I'm going to put an end to it? I can't stand this any more. Nooo I WON"T STAND THIS ANYMORE!! A nice hot bath, a couple of shots of rye and some more zopiclone to the dozen or so I have already taken today. Then cut like I always do, but this time with more of a reason. The capper to a less than perfect life. I don't want to die, but I can't live like this anymore. I did manage to sit here tonight and reply to some of the people in these forums. The people like me, looking for what, we don't really know, who posted here hoping that someone might just care, or maybe give them a reason to want to care about themselves. But no one answered. Well I did. I don't want anyone to feel the way I do. It sucks, it's degrading and it has robbed me of the vital and loving person I was at one time. No, I don't want to die, but most of the real me has already died, so why hold on to this shell that brings me nothing but misery? The little bit of the real me that is left is too tired to care any more. Maybe that part of me is what has kept me going before, but I can't go on alone anymore. I just want the rest that I crave so desperately. What is wrong with that. With finally doing something for myself? To Hell with what others think. If I wasn't always so worried about what others think, maybe I wouldn't be in this mess now.
  2. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    I care. And I will cry if this is your last post. My tears are falling even now... :sad:
  3. registering

    registering Member

    I care too :smile:
    but there is no way I can help if I don't know whats wrong.
    I see alot of pain in your message, but i can't understand where it comes from unless you tell me.
    Be patient, you have made it this far and with time you will find those people who will listen to you.
    If you can't find a reason to do it, just think about your kids. You obviously love them, aren't they worth trying for?
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    stay with us, let us help in anyway we can and we can ride the storm together.

    i care, we care, we will always be here if you need us.

    this is just the start so don't give up yet.

    be strong and stay safe
  5. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    itmahanh, please come back.
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