This is an email from my aunt re: the social worker crap for mom. I got the gist of the situation from my brother the day it happened, but I wasn't able to access my email before now. This is- I don't have control over anything. She always does this, always, just does crap and doesn't consult us. I mean, wtf is the crap about routine showers? She acts like mom's living in her own filth! She takes a shower every friggin' day. Sometimes twice if she has an accident. The skin issue thing? Back in September when mom was in the hospital for a week, they found a little rash on her back. That's long since been taken care of. Unless my aunt's whining about the one instance of diaper rash, which was also resolved in a timely manner. My aunt acts like my brother and I are both incompetent idiots, and today was a bad day regarding mom. I got so upset I left her in my brother's care and stormed out of the house. Wanted to walk in front of traffic, but ended up sitting on the side of the house while I debated whether to head out to the main street or not. Then all the damn stray cats showed up, literally one after the other, and meowed at me and purred and loved me silly until I calmed down. The stupid cats literally saved my life, 'cause if it wasn't for them distracting me, I think I would've gone through with it today. I came back inside about a half hour after that, feeling a little better. I was able to handle things for a few more hours, and now I feel like killing myself again. This stupid email sure as hell didn't help. What's the point of going on? Really, what's the point? If I knew for sure I'd be okay financially, that I had somewhere to go when my aunt gets her way, and you know she's going to, she always does, then I'd be dealing better. At least I'd have something to catch me. But I don't. There's nothing to catch me and no one to do it. I can't even slow my own fall, let alone catch myself. Also, the grant mentioned at the bottom? Yeah, that's what I was busy trying to fill out. Don't see the point now. I need a friend nearby to hang out with. Spend a night with, or a day or two. 150 mg of Lithium a day for five days isn't gonna cut it, but I can't increase the dosage any faster 'cause it makes me sick. I'm so tired and lonely and worn out and goddamn it, why can't my aunt just go away. Why can't that whole side of the family just drop dead. If I'm somehow still breathing when this is all over and done with, and mom's gone - that's gonna kill me, losing her, even if we never had the best relationship, she's still my mom and I still love her - when it's over, I'm disappearing. Changing my name and disowning myself, even from my brother. I'm not doing this anymore. **** and ****, Sorry to hear about the surgery postponement. You are welcome regarding recent scan. I wanted to let you and **** know that I went ahead and hired a company called **** **** **** who will be contacting either you and or **** to set up a time that the (Case Manager and owner) **** will come to the house for an initial 1 hour assessment. She will bring a nurse to check on your mom's general condition and evaluate her skin issue. The purpose of the service is to have a professional available locally to offer insight, resources for **** and family as her situation declines and or progresses. I spoke with **** about this as well as your uncle ****. I am advocating for an aid to come in possibly bimonthly to offer education about bathing your mom and providing routine showers. This will be addressed further once the nurse and case manager have done their initial assessment. I am going to have the case manager visit 1 time monthly to give additional support. If you both want to explore more about this opportunity feel free to call me. I do not have her full name in front of me but her partner's name is **** ****. The company was referred to me from the Alzheimer's Association. We may also be eligible for a 1,000 dollar grant to pay for the nurse's aid.