Well... I was hoping I would never post one of these again...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ZombiePringle, Oct 16, 2009.

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  1. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry guys. I thought I was in bad shape when I went to bed but now after I woke up I feel like I've gone even lower. I can't handle it anymore. Its just over for me. I thought I had beat the urge to die for good, but now its back and worse than it ever was. I don't think I'll be around another week. I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm just pathetic. Here I am crying at work... I guess i'm just too weak.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    What's bothering you right now? Do you need extra rest?

    :hug:
     
  3. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    No don't need extra rest. I guess its just dawning on me. Every breath I take is just a waste of oxygen that could be going to somebody that deserves it. Its become clear... I'm worthless in everything I do. I'm even ruining my relationship again. I can't make her happy no matter what I do. Everything I do is always wrong. I just make people miserable by being around. whats the point of going on?
     
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I've been in the position where everything I did was wrong. It's best to back off a bit and spend some time listening to her to see what is happening with her.

    :hug:
     
  5. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Listening to her? I listen to her enough... Listen to her say how all this stuff is my fault. She forgets to fill out a job application and suddenly its my fault. She falls behind on her college assignments and its somehow my fault. Like I said I cannot make her happy. no matter what I do. Thats why I'm taking myself out of the picture for good. I can't make anybody happy. I hear it all the time how worthless I am from so many people. How lazy I am... I bust my butt all week to support my fiance and child but yet I'm called worthless and lazy by her and her family.... I can't do it. i'm not going to anymore either.
     
  6. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    More has happened since I've been at work. Next weekend I'm done... I'm not going to go through all of this anymore. I don't deserve to be treated the way that I am. I'm going to put an end to it once and for all.
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Kankuro it sounds like you are under alot of stress.. I too was stressed out at work and then when I came home it was more stress.. I eventually had a nervous breakdown and tried to kill myself..I ended up on the phsyc ward for a month and a half..That was my first visit of many..You need to get help and get it now..That is not a path you want to go down..You have friends here so lean on them.. Talk to them.. Just let it out.. If you hold it in it will just fester into more negative thoughts..Write down these thoughts and go to the ER.. Let them admit you..Like I said you need help you can';t fight this on your own..Please don't harm yourself..
     
  8. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I just don't want this anymore. I do need help I know but I don't want it. I don't want this life anymore. I'm tired of being the one kicked around tired of being the one thats always wrong. I have no RL friends because I gave up my life in another state to be with my fiance. I gave up so much. And now I'm just going to give the rest of it up.
     
  9. dan1

    dan1 New Member

    Hi Kankuro,

    I know what your going through is hard to put up with. The important thing to do is to give yourself a day or two or a week to see how you feel then.

    Does your fiance know about you being suicidle?


    Dan.
     
  10. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    she knows. I was just in the psych ward earlier this year because of it. And I have had several attempts this year and ended up in the hospital for 2 of them.
     
  11. dan1

    dan1 New Member

    =( im relatively new to suicidle thoughts or watever you wanna call them. Had depression for a long time though...

    So i cant help much as i dont know whats best for you now other than taking some more time to think about everything, think about who you would be leaving behind. And im not saying this to make you feel guilty.. i just mean theres obviously some things or someone worth living for.. your fiance? your child?...

    I wish i could help =( sorry....
     
  12. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey man, I hate to know you're going through such a bad time. I'd like to hear some more about your relationship with your girlfriend, was she always like this? If not, what do you think that changed? How is her professional/school like? Maybe it's just stress from her part? A phase maybe? When you're the one suffering the "abuses" it might seem worse than it actually is (not saying it isn't bad, but maybe it's not bad enough for you to give up everything.)

    Keep posting man, we're here to help.
     
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