well, i'm still here.

I attempted last night and i woke up just dizzy and unable to concentrate much,
thank god for spell check or this post will look some drunk person's ramblings.

So what led to this was my ex calling me and and then he said sorry, so i was like "sorry for fucking you over so badly? ruining my life?" and he was like "yep exactly"

So we talked for a few hours, i was crying my guts out. He saw me take the pills (it was on skype on WC) but i refused to tell him what ones and just said "i'm supposed to take them as needed and I need them now" so he didn't question anything and he was being nice and stuff once probably because he felt bad.

So I sat on webcam with him, crying, and I realized that maybe I shouldn't dare think about getting a boyfriend anytime soon. I don't want to be loved.

"I just want some one to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake"

That's all.

Killing myself won't expedite me finding a soul-mate.
It's just going to ruin my future, my dreams, and everything I've worked my ass for.


Yet here I am praying to myself every night that I wouldn't wake up.
I still want to be dead, this very second, and I'm pissed that my method didn't work. I'm going to try again.


I love all of you guys in chat and the few that I talk to in the forums, You guys really are like 98% of all human communication I have and pass no judgement on me.

I have no idea who reads this stuff, but thanks.

 

Rianne hunnyyy;

Remember we are always there for you through the good times, and the bad. Any support you need or anything you can always turn to us.

There are other ways out of this...

We love you lots and lots.

:hug:

 

I am so sorry you feel like this hun. I think slowly you can start to rebuild your life bit by bit because you have worked hard hun, very hard. I am here for you if you ever need a chat hun. Big hugs :hug: