Well, I've tried

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by noshadow, Aug 23, 2008.

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  1. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    gonna confess my whole life to my therapist the only person I trust.
    I found a way to leave here.
  2. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I dont understand your post. You found a way to leave..............?
  3. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    to unburden myself.

    as far as finding a way of leaving here......

    I post in a suicide forum....
  4. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    what is your way if you dont mind me asking, also where in Wisconsin do you live
  5. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    you're joking, right??

    I'm gonna reveal that info?? Why do you care??
    Why does ANYONE "SAY" they do??? I don't get this shit
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun even though most members are or were feeling suicidal themselves, we do care. This is the one place that others truly understand your pain and torment and although we cant save ourselves, we so dont want others to be suffering like we are. Sounds hyprocritical but it really isnt. It's guenuine concern and caring from one who can say they understand. SF is a really unique community so please let others help if they can. I think it's great that you trust your therapist. Please take the opportunity to reveal everything you can. If nothing else it will help you mentally and emotionally to be able to unload like that. And the same is true for here. Post all and everything you can. Just releasing all that bottled up shit can be a relief in itself. Please be safe because others do care!
  7. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    i don't know whay more i can say that I haven't posted already.

    it's just one LESS life here. It that really a big deal??

    "I am nothing real and I don't
    have much to say,
    I have become nothing more
    than a faded resume" - H. Lanasa
  8. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    My way was of suffocation by the way
  9. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    I'd get really fuckin drunk in a deserted place, take the rest of my clon and as soon as it all kicks in, tie a thick plastic bag around my head and fall asleep......
  10. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Please don't go like this :( We all care about you, and will help you the best we can. But at least give a chance to help you before you do something drastic

  11. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    And don't count on that method working, by the way. The body has an incredibly strong, what we call survival imperative. It is entirely possible for you to rip the bag off your head in a state of unconsciousness. The EtOH will wear off soon enough, and you may find yourself awakening with vomitus all over yourself thinking OH MY GOD. I mean dude, we're talking brain damage and stroke from various possible tachycardias/arrhymia.

    That's just a BEGINNING of royal fuck-ups. lol Left-side/right-side paralysis. Baby THAT list on and on and on. (So yeah, iow it's the old "you think you have it bad NOW...")

    Ok? Just tell me you get my drift.
  12. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    Unfortunatley my mind is dead set (no pun intended) on this life NO LONGER. Maybe you're right, and that is a bad way to try...but I WILL fall asleep
    thanx tho.
  13. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    life is one routine of NOTHING. my only friend, is the internet, I continue to look for work, and cannot get hired ANYWHERE. Can't have anykind of life cause I'm going broke just putting gas in my car. My music unfortunatley isn't making sales. I hope I don't end up like Kurt Cobain and become a somebody after death.

    Everyday i wait for calls i don't get, i clean this house till there's nothing left to clean. my gf is a nurse and works various hours, she's out with friends now skydiving, something we were going to do together. It's just everyday ALONE...thinking, remembering, getting angry, breaking things. I can't breathe. I feel dead already.
  14. finster

    finster Member

    I know this isn't much to live on but I sympathize with your pain. Just try to take it hour by hour like I do. I fight the same urges you do on a daily basis, but all I can do is hope.
  15. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    I cant get a real job either. I feel the same way. I only have a crappy part time job i hate. every second of every day all i can think about is how i have to go back there and be in miserable torment. A job will only give you greater suffering if it is a SUCKY job. I would rather be on the streets it would be more dignified.
  16. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Nah hey man, no problem. Why do you think I'm here. I'm 44, have no friends ('cept for the digital ones on the Internet), have no one to live for. Do you see?? That'd mean basically not a soul would notice my absence; no one would miss me.

    It's a crappy life and that's an understatement. I do chalk it up to clinical depression but GAWD. We'(my shrink and I) have been spinning this hamster-wheel for months now. "Here try this. Here try this. Here try this."

    The soul just grows TIRED, as I'm sure you know.

    Still, I ain't ready yet. I own the luxury of hope. If a couple of AD's have worked before (and they have), maybe another will work once again.

    Actually, probably.

    As hard as my daily life is right now, I know for a fact that since everything changes, nothing stays the same--then the old saw "This too shall pass" is true and I'll find my footing again.

    I just ain't near ready to do the sui-cui, Blue. I'm depressed (and dealing with benzodiazepine (i.e., Valium, Xanax) withdrawal) and yes all that's TOUGH. But my God they're not terminal!! LOL

    Pain, I can withstand b/c it's temporary. Killing my fucking self is irreversible. You're GONE baby. Gone Baby Gone. (Wasn't that movie. :))

    Blue. Of you can, just keep writing and sharing and posting.

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