Right when I finished all of my letters to everybody and was going to attempt to kill myself, my husband texted me that he was coming home for lunch from work. And his work is only 10 minutes from the house, so obviously, I couldn't do what I wanted to do right then. But it's okay I thought, I'll do it when he goes back to work. But when he came home, he said the most shocking thing that I've ever heard him say. He said "I found like 5 extra bags of heroin from before in my car, and I don't want them all, will you take a few from me?" I was like "You? Extra bags? You actually found more bags, and you DON'T want to do them?" He said "No...after today, I really want to quit. I want to be done with the stuff. I want to go to the NA meeting with you tomorrow and I want to get better, get our lives back in order." I was so proud of him and shocked at the same time. It gave me some extra hope that maybe...just maybe...things may get better and he'll stop using. At least for a while. I know that there's a very big chance he'll still relapse in the future, but he's been doing it every single day lately...so if he stays clean for at least a few months, that's a lot of progress in my eyes. So after that happened, I thought twice about what I was going to do. And he could tell that I was extremely down and depressed so he told me that I should probably do the extras he was giving me, just to help lift my mood. He said that he'd rather I do that than come home from work and find me dead. So, I did it, and I don't feel depressed or suicidal anymore...and that, plus the hope I now feel that perhaps we can help control his addiction better makes me not want to kill myself today after all. So I just wanted to let you guys know that I'll be alright today. Also, I understand that some people will probably say that regardless of the circumstances I shouldn't have done heroin, but today I feel like it was better than the alternative and I just want to make it clear that I'm not proud of resorting to using it, but I'm not a full-blown addict like my husband. I have addictive behavior because I have Borderline PD. I use different drugs every now and then, but I am not addicted to any of them. I have never went out and bought heroin myself, was never the first to suggest to use it, and I don't get high for no reason, only if my emotions and suicidal thoughts get out of control. I can also stop using and stay clean whenever I want to, and I have for many months after every time I've used. I just felt like I needed to say that and clear things up to some people...but hopefully we both will stop using completely!