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Well, my time here is coming to an end.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Slipping away, Jun 17, 2008.

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  1. Slipping away

    Slipping away New Member

    Hi all.
    I just thought I'd pop my head round the door to say hello to all of you nice people here.
    I've been borderline suicidal for months now and after one failed attempt to hang myself, I've just sat back and watched my life unfold in slow motion like a train wreck. I've lost the only woman I can say I've ever truly loved with all my heart, my business has folded, I have no fixed address anymore and I'm living on credit cards with no income at all. I'm staying at my ex girlfriends house at the moment (well it used to be ours but I'm signing papers over to release myself from getting any capital from the house).
    I've been to the doctors and have been prescribed medication but to be honest I don't know why I'm taking it. I've already made my mind up. For me the biggest scare that I got was knowing that I actually tried to kill myself. I popped my <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. Never thought I'd have the courage to do that.
    I'm gonna have a last blow out with some friends over the weekend and I'll see what happens from there. I feel though that by going away I'll be more happy, but then again I don't know that. It's a risk. Anyway, hopefully I'll get to speeak to you all next week if things don't get too dark for me.

    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2008
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Wow. I really hope the weekend with your friends does bring you up. Keep up that spirit with you always.
    I've decided I was going to kill myself then called up friends for one last "blow out," one last weekend just doing whatever, and then I end up having such a good time I change my mind about suicide. It's like I allowed myself to have a good time because it was the "last" time. Now I just go into every situation as if it were my last, and that helps. I have more fun with life.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I hope you have a great time with your friends so you realize that things can be good. Then you can work towards each day being as good as the last. Sure they won't all be the best, but taking your life is not the best option. You have had setbacks, but none of them are things that can't be changed. Just please, don't give up.
  4. Champer

    Champer New Member

    It's difficult to say exactly how I feel because most of the time I feel nothing. I've attempted suicide once properly, once half baked and drunk and I think about it every day of my life. I don't know why I'm writing this or what I expect to happen but I know that it's closer than it's ever been. My partner says he's fed up with me, that all I do is cry and that I use my depression as an excuse to be horrible and 'make his life a misery'. I was abused as a child, been abused as an adult and been trying ever since to make some sense of my life and the dark thoughts that plague me. I can't escape it, it's eating me alive. The only thing that has held me back til now is that I don't want to hurt everyone. Mostly my partner and my mum and brothers and sisters. But I now realise that the poison in my head is poisoning those around me and if I love them, truly love them then it's time.

    I wanted to say to you that I do understand how you feel because I feel it to.
    I wish you luck and hope that something changes for you. Unfortunately, my time may be coming to an end too.
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