Well...she died, but it's almost as if nothing happened.

My fiance's mom died on the morning of march 15th. It was supposed to be my first day of classes back from spring break, and he was on his way over to drive me to the train when we got that phone call from his dad. Then he asked me if I'd stay with him today, and I said sure, of course. We turned back, went to the hospice house where she died, said our goodbyes and then left. I'd never seen a dead body before that day, it was very strange. And the rest of the day, well, he was sad I mean everybody was sad...but they all seemed to somewhat easily be able to progress with their lives and just deal with the situation. Is this because we all already knew that she was going to die for the past 4 months, or is that how death is in general? You cry a bit and then move on as if nothing happened? If that was my mother, I don't think I'd be anything less than hysterical for quite a while. I mean, I don't know. It just seems odd. She's not here anymore and people are acting pretty normal.

 

Death comes in many forms, but generally it either comes fast and unexpected or slow and expected. I've had some experience with both kinds in my own family. I think when it's fast it's such a shock to the system that we don't have any time to adjust to the idea, but when it's drawn out the grieving process is also drawn out and we reach the "acceptance" stage a lot earlier than when it comes suddenly. Still, I think no matter how callous you make yourself in preparing for the worst, the shock of it will still eventually hit you, maybe not until after the funeral or maybe even later.

So sorry for your loss.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.. Some people are in shock at first and don't know what to do.. The greiving comes later.. You said everyone had four months to prepare for this moment.. Maybe they have already greived the loss.. No they are trying to be strong for each other..

 

sometimes after an extended illness the emotional impact is lessened because everyone has already been dealing with the knowledge ahead of time

depending on the illness the emotion may even be relief - relief that someone's pain had ended or relief that the waiting is over

that's how it was with my grandfather when he died from lung cancer when i was a kid

there will be pain but it won't hurt as much as if the end came suddenly

 

Yeah I guess so. I just didn't expect things to be so normal. I expected everyone to be miserable for an indefinite amount of time, but I guess it was sort of like she was already gone as soon as she was diagnosed. She was back and forth from the hospital to home to hospice house. I think they just got used to it and it already felt like she was gone a while ago...I don't know. I was worried that my fiance would be extremely upset and it would make me really upset and I wouldn't be able to function or react properly...but he seems mostly the same as he was when she was sick. Nothing really changed.

Well, friday night will be my first funeral. I had to buy a black skirt suit to wear. His dad will be moving to a new house I think sometime soon. My fiance and I will either continue staying with him or go back and forth between his and my house, I'm not sure which yet.

I've been feeling ok the past couple of days except for a few snags here and there. I'm trying to deal with them though without wanting to or trying to die. I ODed yesterday and was out of it all day, but I liked it. It made me feel like nothing was wrong. I am being good and taking my prozac at least though. I need a higher dosage of that and my other meds refilled. Then maybe I'll be able to be ok...maybe. Not wanting to die for 2 days is a lot, but I think that's only because I was high.

 

I'm sorry to hear about this :/. Like others have said, sometimes the grief comes later. It took me a little while before it hit me with my nanna last January. It takes a while to sink in. That might even take as long as the funeral, or longer.

K x

 

I'm sorry for your pain and loss! kmj221