well shyt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lostlogics, Nov 13, 2010.

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  1. Lostlogics

    Lostlogics New Member

    Pretty new here considering this is my first post. But damn. Just trying to get some advice. My life is a complete fail. Have u ever had the thought that, why can't there be something to just end your life with out it being a big deal. Like poeple that just don't care for life and don't wana progress any more or see how there life would turn out. that just wana see whats next. Ive thought about this for years. I'm 18 and turn 19 in about a month. But every now and then i end up getting all emotional and thinkin about ending my life. Me and my mom had an agurement n she told me she wishd i would just go fuckin die or commit suicide. she is pretty much the only fiamly i have. If you would call faimly someone that smokes crack and neglects there kids for most of there life. My father left when i was about 10ish. and my brother is currently in jail, and has been for a very long time. He gets out in about 4 days. and i don't think i can face up to it. I don't wana tell him how my life has been or is going. I have no way out of this situation. I have friends but non that would take me in. no where to go or shyt to do. I feel im going to be homeless soon. My grandmother owns the house we live in and the land its on. thats pretty much the reason i havent been kicked out on the street yet. But my mother constantly talks bad about me to her. and pretty much flips every story about us arguing to her side and makes me the bad person. Soon im going to have no where to go and no place to live it seems like. I havnt learned barly any life skills. I don't even know how to fill out an aplication for a job. I'm thinkin these should be my last few days of so called "life". I'm not gona live on the streets or try and rob stuff to make money, i feel that my only solution is to end this shyt. Its like the only way out. Ive put a xxxx so many times. I just don't have to guts to do it. Witch brings me back to the start. An easy "not a big deal" way to die. I can't cant stop crying idk what im going to do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2010
  2. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    i dont wanna sound offensive but i think your mom is the one who is the fail. shes failed horribly at her job as a mother if she told you to commit suicide. maybe she knows that HER life is a fail and doesnt want to realise it so she makes herself the victim infront of you grandmother. your brother doesnt seem to be doing too hot either if he is in jail. so i hope your not worried that he will judge you. but its understandable maybe he is a person you look up to since he is your brother idk.
    are you sure a close friend os yours wouldnt let you stay for a while?
    job applications are not hard to fill out. its two sheets where they ask for your education, a little background info and so on. to start out you can get a job in a store anywhere. my cousin is a complete idiot. as much as i like him you just cant put it any other way but he has a job. i find myself in a somewhat simular situation. my dad owns the house and he wants to kick me out but hasnt yet. honestly id prolly sneak back in hes not very bright and hes the only family i have. but you should not let this bring you down. it might suck at first but its something you can overcome. you can stop having contact to you mom who constantly seems to bring you down if thats what you want.
    hang in there and good luck lostlogics ;) :smile:
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    wanted to say hi and welcome. sounds like you have many challenges right now. your mom sounds horrible. it will be good for you to get away from her, but on your own terms. at the library you might find info on employment centers and other supports, they can help you fill out job applications and put a resume together. you deserve better in life. there is a way out other than suicide, you just can't see it. are you on anti depressants? they might give you a boost so that you can start to see that you have other options.
  4. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    I feel for you. If only there is someone who help you in live. At least do try and get out of the situation by trying to develop skills to earn a living for yourself. Once you do that you can try and improve your life.
  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Are you getting any medical help at all? Have you been to a doctor or a counsellor? This has to be your first step. If you can't afford to go to see a doctor then try and phone a crisis line or something.
    There are issues going on in your life that no one should have to deal with. It's not surprising that you feel the way you do.
    I'm sorry that your mother is the way she is but it's the drugs talking not her. You need to recognise that she's an addict and there's nothing you can do about that. Again, there is help out there for the family of addicts - in the UK it's called Al-Anon but I don't know what it's called anywhere else.
    Can you not talk to your Grandmother directly? Surely she realises that your mother is an addict? There's only so long it can be hidden.
    You're going to have to talk to your brother. If he's coming out of prison, he's going to need a lot of support. You're going to have to explain to him why you can't be that support. You're in no condition to be a carer for anyone in your family.
    There should be places which can help you with job applications, they're not as scary as they seem. Don't be worrying about this because you can learn how to do these things. It just takes time.
    Your life is not a failure. You're only 18, you haven't had chance to fail. Even if you do fail at something it's not the end of the world. We all fail at things, far more than we suceed at things.
    Sending hugs, xxx
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