Well, I tried online dating tonight. Already deleted my account. Clearly meeting someone is not for me. My friend who liked me from another state is now dating someone. I was fine while she was dating her last boyfriend and liked me but clearly this was basically my last chance. She's my best friend and awesome, and she would pseudo cheat with me (emotionally at least) since I've only met her once and despite living a state away apparently it'si mpossible to meet her again. We would have met last summer but she listened to her boyfriend even though we were planning it for TWO YEARS. Which is fine, it's her decision, I realize I mean shit to everyone except when I help them. She got me a nice christmas present anyway, and I know she still ahs feelings for me, but w/e she is dating some douchebag now and I realize I will neve get a chance with the dozen girls who have liked me. I remember when Meg (a cool amazing girl I liked) who I was texting me and said shel iked me and i tried to get her to meet me several times and we never fucking did despite living in the same city. It will require too much effort to find a decent girl. I am too fucking weird, not socially acclimated. I am amzing in some ways but have had a terrible life. My social dynamics I have laerned are basically useless because they only work online because I don't raelize my social failings in person. I don't feel like dating a boring girl, or gross girl anyway,a s such would not make me happy. I'm not justifying such so whatever. I pretty much hate this site and am just venting now to make the next few weeks bearable. Already decided I'm killing myself and am not looking for sympathy or help, except to help me live until I can finish some things. At a friend's house forced to watch some shitty 9th gate movie with pedophile polanski directing and ugly as shit, and terrible actor johnny depp who is probably my least favorite actor. Anyway, I'm less hopeless than all of you but my life is beyond fucked and I'm at least realistic. This will be my last topic here, just ened support for a few weeks while I get rid of shit. I know it's rather meaningless to care what happens to others after your dead, but I might try to pay one of my friends for sex or something too, since I haven't even touched a girl in any way in 4 years, and besides for say a month I've been with someone nothing else. Lest we forget my circumcision that ensures all my relationship will be tainted by my limp useless dick. That's probably a big source of my emotional issues. I'll be dead in a few weeks now, and everyone can be happy who got me banned from the chat for you know, not being stable cause people on SF should be 100% mentally stable. I basically hate all you, but it's okay I shall be dead in 2 to 3 weeks. Not becuase life sucks, becuase mine does and I can't deal without a girl anymore. I have regrets and had I made different decisions my life likely would have been improved, but its' over now. Just me and oblivion soon, and I'm at peace with that.