well then...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ~Heather~, Oct 21, 2010.

  1. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    I've mostly been lurking about, reading threads maybe replying to a few if I can think of the right thing to say. But lately my mind has been blank. It's hard to think of things I want to say. I don't have any desire to get any replies, just kind of typing out some of these thoughts.

    I've just kind of been around now. Both here and real life. On here it seems like everyone has legitimate issues but I feel that I have fixable issues I'm just having a hard time fixing. I hang out with these 'friends' which are more of my boyfriends friends. I often wonder what would they do if they knew that when I'm in a room, I'm always contemplating my death. I look for anything in the room and think of how it would play out if I tried, at the right time. It would be so simple.

    I wonder if they would care... I mean I after all have been open to them about my problems other than these thoughts. I've been their support. However when I'm falling apart before their eyes, you know not a single one, no one even gave me a hug. In fact they looked over then continued their games. So it just seems like it's all deteriorating one at a time. My family, my friends, myself. I'm not sure what to think anymore. I don't even know if I want to die...I just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling. I could do that for the rest of my life. Just so long as everyone leaves me alone.

    Sometimes, I'm not even sure if I should be here...
     
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, I don't belong here or anywhere. It's just not a feeling any more, it's fact.
    I'm just here to pass time until the inevitable.

    I have seen your posts and they are always caring and kind. Even if you don't know if you should be here I'm certain there are lots of people here who would miss you if you left.
    Sorry to intrude on your thoughts
    Take care
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i feel like that more and more. then i get these little spurts like today and feel like i need to reply. then it passes. dont worry. everyone gets to this point at asome time or other. its what you do when it happens that matters. and youve got the right idea. hun you cant possibly help everyone all the time when you are having a hard enough time helping yourself.

    as for your friends, unfortunately it seems these days that whenever someone feels suicidal or is suffering depression, others see it as being a drama queen. vieing for attentiopn. they couldnt be more wrong. what the differsence a hug would make at those moments. but none to be found. so hug yourself. give yourself a big bear hug and let yourself know it's ok to feel down. then use that hug to pick yourself up a bit. hun friends usually cant or dont want to get involved because they dont understand. and not to be sexist but especially young males. they barely can show their own feelings so to hard to help another when then are showing their.

    keep posting. dont reply to the posts if you cant. but keep posting and showing how your feeling in a place where others can understand and can offer hugs even if only over the net :arms:
     
  4. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    It wasn't intruding, your posts made me feel a bit better about it.
    My comment was more to say don't feel like you have to post a response. But it was very much appreciated :)

    Hugs to you both :hug: