Well holy shit, here goes, I've been depressed for about 1 year now, and only recently has it become a major problem, to the point where i want to kill myself. For the most part I cant recall why im sad, its just a combination of things: 1. i have low self-esteem, which comes into conflict with 2. I loath myself, and often beat myself up inside, and and every little thing negative is seen and critisized. 3. I have quite a bit of friends, only inside i dont consider them friends. 4. I hate where and when I live, and it makes me sad remebering the only good times ive had in my life, took place in the past in a better location. 5. I masturbate frequently, and that conflicts with # 2 6. my workload for grade 11 is as follows: semester 1= 4 blocks= 4 cores semster 2= 4 blocks 3 cores, 1 non-core class 7. I seem to think eveyone is out to get me, because of a couple incidents in my life, in which i got beat up for no reason. This has caused me to hate most people in society 8. I think, i might be gay... and thats just a start. I've wanted to suicide for maybe a couple of months now, but about a week ago i had told my school councillor about a plan to shoot up my school, (dont worry i dont have a gun, and i have no idea how to get one) which has brang up heated discussion with the school board and the police. This caused me to miss alot of school, and now i have to work it all up again. Eeverything seems so hopeless, every councillor i've talked to says how brave i am, and how its going to be alright. But that just starts to piss me off because i know it isnt, and it also pissess me off why they treat me like a kid. Dont get me wrong, i dont hate eveyone, im just kind of cautious, and i trust no one. To be honest i dont know why im even typing this at 2 in the morning, maybe i really do want to be cured, and am choosing the internet to dump my problems down, but it certainly does feel a little good. however, i fear this whole is just a tidbit of my problems.