Well Tonight Is The Night-Goodbye everyone.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Feb 11, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    As I stated in a previous post, I am at a point in my life where certain financial issues have come down on me that I cant correct. I have to come up with $3000.00 in the next week or I become homeless. My paycheck will be garnished, and I will no longer then have the money to make my car payment or pay my rent. The collection agency doing this is no longer willing or able to work with me.

    As I also stated in my other post, there are other issues too. Mainly my pending divorce, my alcoholism and my dying car.

    I am too ashamed to call my wife, but I worry about my cat. Someone needs to take care of her. So....if someone here in the states will pm me, I will respond back with the phone numbers to my wife. If you could please call her, tell her what is going on and ask if she could come to my apartment and take care of the cat.

  2. bloodlily

    bloodlily Active Member

    mew... i really hope you'll manage to think a way out of your situation and find a way to live. but if you can't and you really think this is the best way, i wish you blessing to find your happiness.

    i can't tell you to not die and live, because, i'll be trying to overdose later myself. and my scenario is many more times worse than most people. I'm surprised that I managed to survive so long. still, my depression will never go away.

    god speed.
  3. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    For God sake, Petesake, if you are going to kill yourself tonight over such a small amount , if thats how much your life is worth, then I got nothing to say. People kill themselves when they lose hundreds of thousands or millions and you are going to kill yourself just because you can't come out with 3000 and that you can't find a job at this moment? I am currently in more than 100,000 outstanding debt, all business deals stucked, zilch in my bank account, 300 bucks in my pocket and still I'm pressing on as I believe there will eventually be a way out, if I press on hard enough and keep trying.

    If you kill yourself because of this, Shame on you!
  4. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    you can knock 'some sense' into his head for wanting to end his life over such a small tribulation. If everyone is going to kill themselves every time he/she finds himself/herself in debt and can't find a job at this present JUNCTURE, then I guess the newspapers will be full or reported suicides day in n day out.
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    The amount of debt one has is relavent to one's particular situation. It may seem like a small amount to you. But the amount might as well be a million dollars to me.

    You guys didnt read this correctly, I have a job, I have a car, I have a place to live. Once these people garnish my pay, I will have no car, no place to live and no job. I will be on the street. Homeless. All because of a lousy $3000.00

    Now....like I said that is not the only deal that has led me to this path. I am going thru a divorce and I cant live with the pain that I brought on my wife and I miss her so terribly, I cant live without her either.

    I am manic depressive, and I no longer have the strength to meet the days challenges. I dont want to die, but I cant live in the situation that is unfolding right before me.

    If there were any other option I would take it in a heartbeat.
  6. bloodlily

    bloodlily Active Member

    i know of people who have been ostracised by others, end up with $0 dollars on hand and in account, have no degrees or even GED, thrown out of a home and wandered the street starving for weeks. They get discrimnated against by their family, relatives and friends... be sexually used to and beaten up later. and some of them even lose contact with their parents for life. And they live on. Their lives are miserable as well... but they managed to find the umpth to fight for their lives. one of my friends took herself 20 years of daily fighting to get out of her depression and mad situation. For 20 years she was totally depressed, but had to keep fighting. She was homeless, peniless, boyfriendless, friendless, and her family disowned her. she had to drop out of school... but she's a tough cookie... and now she's happy.

    i know you're in a despiring situation right now. and i can't relate to how you feel. but i'm telling you the stories of others to show to you that you too can do it. some of these people that i mentioned even ended up with mental illnesses because of abuse... but they kept fighting...
  7. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    dear friend, I lost everything that I had many times in my life and like you, in the past I nearly killed myself each time and only God knows how close was I pushed to the brink of suicide. I hung on for the sake of my loved ones despite not wanting my life anymore. I continued to walk in darkness until I found light eventhough I trembled inside and nobody knew it but me. Life is full of ups and downs and everyone's problem seems to be bigger than others. Worse come to the worse, what can happen to you, if you dont take your life? Ask for help, keep knocking, keep seeking. If I could, I would extend financial help to you but I can't afford it at the present moment. Keep trying to find a way out. Don't give up. Sometimes, we have to 'die' in order to 'live' again and maybe you are going through this face. You must not take each incident as a life and death situation as you will die many times as life is full of ups and downs. Be Strong, be courageous. Face it dude! Meanwhile, don't sit down in despair, it doesn't help but makes you even more fearful. Do something about it. Try! and keep on trying. Till the fat lady sings!
  8. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    Prosperity brings many friends as the saying goes. when i was strong, i had many friends, people sucked up to me, admired me, butterred me. but when i fell, almost all left and stayed away. Some even spite at me. SO-called very very close friends also left me. I went throught his phase many many times in my life as I'm much older than most of you here.

    This is 'part and parcel' of life and nobody wants it but human behaviour is like that. Unless we learn to accept this, we continue to get hurt and depressed. Today, although I'm going through financial crisis whic is no fault of mine, I continue to push on as there is always " brightness after dark" if we all continue to hang and pesevere on. Everyone here must learn to fight and fend for themselves, Lest we do this, we are all condemned!
  9. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    i got to go now. have something urgent on. Tonight better not be your last night. See you tomorrow.
  10. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Ok so let's say I ride this out....and the worse happens. Now I am homeless living on the streets in a small town. How could I possibly even manage to exist in such a life? Where would I sleep? What would I eat? Where would I poop for crying out loud?

    That is a situation that I can not face. I dont have the strength or mental health or courage.
  11. Xena

    Xena New Member

    what if your wife were committing suicide over 3 grand for goodness sake? think about what you're doing.
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Have you contacted social services to start the process of entitlements? Have you sought help at a mental health clinic...if you are around a major university, the doctoral programs of the clinical psych departments are a valuable resource...there are options...find one and the path is started...J
  13. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    we will walk you through it. Fear has got a control of you. u came to this world with nothing and will leave with nothing so there is nothing to fear. If you allow fear to get a grip hold on you, your entire life will be ruined as history has a tendency to repeat itself lest you learn from it. I can understand that you are fearful of the future but no one can tell or foresee the future except God and for sure you are not Him, so how sure are you that nothing good will come out of it?

    ok lets assume u got no place to go. u go sleep under a bridge. maybe u might meet someone there who has a kind heart and help you out? maybe there are charitable organizations out there to help those who live under a bridge, they pull you to their shelter where you meet a girl in the center, share with her your problems and get to know her well and you two get along together and start a new life? then perhaps you might even laugh at your situation today when you look back. Who knows? We all have a tendency to predict the future negatively when it may not come true. An idle mind is the devil's workshop and the more you think, the more fearful you become. The world financial crisis situation has not only affected you but millions of innocent people all around the world. You are definitely not alone in this. Take one day at a time and do your very best to find a way out. Solutions might crop out of nowhere but also be boldly prepared that you might have to be homeless for a while. You wont be homeless forever though. The future is not ours to predict but we can sure work towards it and sitting down thinking negatively sure ain't going to help you nor anyone of us here.
  14. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    And on the other hand I could be stabbed to death for my coat.

    I am not going to do it tonight. I have decided on that. I will let it ride and wait to see what happens, as I am feeling right now. However if things go as they are...then when the day comes and I get my first garnished paycheck....that will be the signal. Or if my car dies and I am unable to repair it and get to work.

    These are the times I have tried to do it so far;

    9/26/09 day wife left me.

    off and on attempts thru October. One of those put me in the hospital for a week.

    One attempt in November.

    12/25/08 was my last attempt.

    I know where I went wrong, in my attempts and I know now how to do it right.
  15. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i am so sorry that you have found yourself in this situation
    i dont mean to sound so harsh, but why is everything you are not wanting to live because of so materialistic
  16. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    Now thats what I call ' Negative' perception but it is understandable that anyone in your shoes would be very fearful. You are worried to death about what is about to come soon and No one can blame you and you feel that you are all alone in this and that no-one can help you. There is no more light at the tunnel and there are no more doors opened for you. So you really see no way out. Okay, fine. Since there is already no way out, you might as well hang around to see what happens next (when it happens). Like I mentioned earlier, many of us here will walk you through. you are not alone. I'm not sympathetic to your plight as there is really no point at all for me nor anyone to sympathize with your predicament and offer my 'sorries to hear about this' to you nor to anyone in this forum as it doesn't solve anyone's problems at all. I'm here to tell you to 'hold on to your balls and be a man' and live through it to see 'what next'. Your problems are very real and is no laughing matter and needs to be solved. No one here can help you solve your problems so you have to be the one to solve it. All we can do is to try to point you and those in distress to the right directions but you guys must be strong and face your respective issues/ problems head on! I hope you listen to me as I'm speaking from experience. I've gained it all and also lost it all, many times, to the point of bankruptcy but each time I managed to pick myself up, I became stronger and each time I fell, the less pain, I felt. It is through these merciless trials and tribulations that molded me to be stronger today and the same will apply to you. Life is not a bed of roses and never will be. Character-is build through these experiences and you are now going through the 'Trial by Fire'. Be strong my friend. Hold on! Do not let fear take control of you cos it clouds your mind and makes you even more confused. See you tomorrow. I got to go. Don't just hang in there, ANCHOR yourself to BRACE the storm.
  17. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I'm still here.
  18. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

  19. pensive1981

    pensive1981 Well-Known Member

    Hi for Pete's Sake. It sounds like you've been through a lot. The kind of crises that can put someone right on the edge... And there's definitely no shame in having a breakdown or having things unravel when life deals you some of what you describe.

    It ain't easy, but people can recover from these things. Getting over a significant other, even a wife. Getting back on your feet financially. If you do stick it out, commit and give it a try...it will be as rewarding as hell when you succeed...

    Success after failure is always sweeter than success from the beginning.

    But anyway, I hope you stay strong and keep giving it 100%. Minor successes and goals have a way of building up to major accomplishments...

    I'm on your side. Lots of people in this forum are.
  20. Richards

    Richards Member

    What might seem trivial to you might be crushing to another person. Besides it sounds like the 300 is merely the straw to break the camels back rather than the whole problem (divorce, alcoholism, potential homelessness). I don't want to mix it up with anyone here because I dislike confrontations even on the internet, but please try to consider the other persons perspective before shredding them like that.
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