maybe i should just go. it felt good to help people but i guess ive lost the touch. or i wasnt as helpful as i thought i was to begin with. its the holidays and my therapist is taking the whole month off leaving me without a stand by person to talk to if i needed. and do you think its going to help that they took my meds away. are they that stupid. im not going to the ER to get help. thats for people who fight to live and want to live. all times i have gone there they dont help they just piss me off more. they look at you like your looking for attention. do the tears running down my face look like im seeking attention. i have no insurance and they have charged me up to $800 for a suicidal ER visit. all they did was have me sighn a piece off paper promising i wouldnt hurt myself. oh yea and they asked me if i knew what day or year it was and if i knew where i was. they know my history i have been there not knowing what day or year it was, i didnt even know my name. and they have said to me that i am seeking attention cause if i was serious suicidal i would have done something to achieve it. they ask me do i have a plan. i have a plan for a plan if the first plan dosnt work out. sounds weird but sometimes i think about going out slow to feel myself suffer. to have the power to make myself suffer and not to suffer at the hands of what life dishes out to me. no im not being selfish, you are being selfish if you want to see me live in such hurt, in distress. every day is a struggle. it makes no different if im having the best day of my life or if have reached my breaking point. the only way i can cry is to stick an onion in my eye ball. but dosnt give the satisfaction of a good cry im yearning for.