So....I used to suffer from depression when I was younger, and I haven't been depressed for years and years. But lately I've reached a point where I can't see any hope in the future. Don't get me wrong now though I'm not saying I'm going to go out and kill myself today or tomorrow or this month or in a year or two even, but I feel like my life has been so menial, and my ability to make change in my life is so small. It doesn't matter how hard I push myself. Things just seem so pointless like.. I just finished a university undergraduate degree, just in time for a job market that has no potential. I've been in a relationship for years with a woman I care deeply about, but because of her past, real intimacy is impossible. Even worse, I'm in love with another woman, but because of my living/financial situation of my current relationship I can't pursue her. If I don't smoke, my eating habits are out of control to a level of complete futility. I'm losing my hair and can't get control of my weight. I can't seem to ever find a stable job, let alone one I really like. All my passions in life don't lead me anywhere. I can't sleep, and when I can sleep I can't wake up. And now I'm just going to start more school, because if I don't I will lose the opportunities I have there, but its just driving me into debt. I don't have any friends because I don't trust anyone, because EVERYONE takes advantage of me when I try to think positively about a relationship. I can't seem to find any stability, or accomplish anything. I just don't see any hope. I feel like I want to set an expiry date on my life three years from now if nothing changes. I feel like almost a third of my life is over and I have accomplished nothing. I understand the idea that I could be having irrational thoughts, but when I look at that list, it just confirms my thoughts. I just had to get this out, because I feel like I have no one to confide in.