Well. :/

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Expirydate, Jan 15, 2013.

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  1. Expirydate

    Expirydate New Member

    So....I used to suffer from depression when I was younger, and I haven't been depressed for years and years. But lately I've reached a point where I can't see any hope in the future. Don't get me wrong now though I'm not saying I'm going to go out and kill myself today or tomorrow or this month or in a year or two even, but I feel like my life has been so menial, and my ability to make change in my life is so small. It doesn't matter how hard I push myself. Things just seem so pointless like..

    I just finished a university undergraduate degree, just in time for a job market that has no potential.
    I've been in a relationship for years with a woman I care deeply about, but because of her past, real intimacy is impossible.
    Even worse, I'm in love with another woman, but because of my living/financial situation of my current relationship I can't pursue her.
    If I don't smoke, my eating habits are out of control to a level of complete futility.
    I'm losing my hair and can't get control of my weight.
    I can't seem to ever find a stable job, let alone one I really like.
    All my passions in life don't lead me anywhere.
    I can't sleep, and when I can sleep I can't wake up.
    And now I'm just going to start more school, because if I don't I will lose the opportunities I have there, but its just driving me into debt.
    I don't have any friends because I don't trust anyone, because EVERYONE takes advantage of me when I try to think positively about a relationship.
    I can't seem to find any stability, or accomplish anything.

    I just don't see any hope. I feel like I want to set an expiry date on my life three years from now if nothing changes. I feel like almost a third of my life is over and I have accomplished nothing. I understand the idea that I could be having irrational thoughts, but when I look at that list, it just confirms my thoughts. I just had to get this out, because I feel like I have no one to confide in.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2013
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Really sounds a lot like depression to me. Problems and situations in life are an ongoing thing - our ability to cope and respond to them changes and is effected by past experience and emotional strength at the time the problem surfaces. I am sure you realize that some of the situations need to change for you to reduce your stress level and you just need to decide which one or ones to change first.
    I would change the term and idea of your 'expiry date' but keep some of the concept. Instead of 'expiration' call it a 3 year plan and decide where you want to be and then do backwards planning to now of smaller goals that must be accomplished to get there. That also allows for goals to change and plans to be amended as your wants and needs change along the way.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Boy hun it does sound so much like you are depth of depression I do hope you can talk to your doctor ok and get something to help you out of the downward spiral you are in.
    There is hope hun there is you just cannot see it for the darkness around you If you can do one thing reach out ok to the professionals around you to get support you need to get on a different path ok hugs
  4. Expirydate

    Expirydate New Member

    I don't think I can keep calling things a three year plan anymore. That's basically how I got through university. I just have such high hopes for my life, and they just keep failing miserably because I'm always living out of someones basement or some crapshack with no job and growing loans. I hate this life. I hate being a student, but I can't quit now. I hate being in my relationship but she really does need me around right now; I don't want to leave her unless she is ok. I'm just a drain on society.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun you are not a drain on society hun YOU are a student trying so hard to accomplish what you have set out to do. You are a friend to someone who needs you
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