well...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by life, Sep 8, 2007.

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  1. life

    life Well-Known Member

    ....Well today i had a bad day...I signed in to my univercity and due to my disoders (i cant even name them! I am shy and in the middle of wanting relationships and not wanting aswell...Sometimes i feel i want someone and sometime i dont want to be with people...At the same day i can feel those feelings....I avoid people!i have no friends...also i am independent and got scared i wasnt able to do my univercity stuff on my own...well i did it with anxiety! i was shaking scared my mind wasnt working i didnt even know what i was doing !...Then besides this i didnt like the univercity....The school was old and the people where different part of the city....No respect no nothing.....They just shout at u and its very awfull!...and when i came home becouse of these awfull things that were happining to me at the same time made me very emotional...i just cried and cried for 30 minutes non stop...i was feeling pain inside me....and i didnt wont no one to see me!i just went into the bathroom ;as usual cried on my own.....And again i noticed that these feelings are permenant and no matter what i do it wont get any better!....If i knew that my method would work without hesitation I would go for it...Love my bro love my sister love my mum and dad a lot:sad:...I am feeling guilty very guilty that i am making them upset really! I never ment to hurt them!....my bro says to me ^^becouse of u i am depressed and dont want to go out! make friends or we will pack our bags and go to our country ;(we are livig in another country i am studying and he is working ;due to mee he is staying with me here for me to get better but he doesnt see that its hard for me!)...He loves me i love him too but he is forcing me and making all of the decisions...i can choose i am only 18 i am shy independent scared :sad:........I WANT TO SHARE MY FEELINGS WITH MY FAMILY BUT I UST MAKE THINGS GET WORSE THEY GET UPSET AND EVENTUALLY I GET PSET TO....I FEEL VERY GUILTY AND BLAMING MY SELF making them unhappy;but i cant help it:(....I never want them to get hurt never!....I cant take this complex really i am tired very tired feel very weak :(
     
  2. Damian_H

    Damian_H Well-Known Member

    Hang in there hun, maybe you would find it easier talking to someone who isn't a family member, but try and find someone who will listen to you and not judge you, that has always worked for me in the past, I hardly tell my family anything. I can tell your brother loves you, but it is apparent that he doesn't exactly understand you enough, you should probably explain it to him. Talk to him about it. I know I kinda contradicted myself there =/
    If you ever want to talk about anything, send me a pm I'll do my best to help. xxxx :hugs:
     
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