well.....

[Emptysoul]

well the pills have defently kicked in now. im going to fall asleep soon and i hope i dont wake up again.
But knowing my luck i didnt have enough and it wont work, well thats life, one long dissapointment

 

[dazzle11215]

spike, just read your other thread. what happened to you was a terrible thing, and it should never have happened. i am sorry the guy you are seeing responded in such an unsupportive way, who knows why he got up and left, but i doubt it was for any of the reasons you are telling yourself. perhaps he was also assaulted or abused and it brought back difficult feelings for him, or perhaps he is just a selfish jerk. either way you do not need to punish yourself for what happened then, or happened tonight.

it seems you have already taken some pills, so i ask you to go for some help. a good place would be the ER. it seems like what you really want is for the pain and the shame to end, and believe me, those feelings will recede as you begin to heal from the terrible thing that was done to you.

please reach out for some help, and do it now. we can talk about how to get stronger, emotionally, another time. tonight you need to get to a doctor and get safe.

 

[Undone]

Spike,

Have you talked to a professional about the sexual trauma you underwent? You're likely suffering from post traumatic stress, and it definitely seems like you could use some assistance sorting out & working through these feelings. I hope you're ok. Give this guy a chance, it was a shock for him to hear, he could still come around. Sometimes, a strong reaction from someone is an indication that they care. PM me if you want to talk.

 

[mortdesinos]

Even before you focus on the trauma you supposedly went through (I don't know about it) it's important that you adhere to staying safe. There's a reason you aren't going to off yourself. If you really wanted to, you would have already. There's an impulse in you that keeps you from doing it. But that's not to say there's anything to keep you from hurting yourself right now. And that's a problem that needs to be dealt with. I think one key you might want to try is committing yourself to the present, and taking yourself forward, one step at a time. Confidence is everything.