well...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Nyu, Sep 28, 2008.

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  1. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    ive been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i think its just time for me to go. no matter how hard i try, im still a failure, and everyone hates me. its just gotten to a point where i dont know what to do anymore. ive lost all motivation to get better. so now its come down to planning on how im going to end my life. but im so scared though.im not really sure how do it so its successful, im afraid of screwing up and making my life even worse, which right now doesnt seem quite possible.

    its just rock bottom. i really just dont seee any way out of it right now. im not sure when its going to be. but soon i hope. i dont know how much longer i can last...

    ive put this off for way too long. and everything is the same as it was before, nothings changed. im completely messed up, its just better for everyone else if i was to be gone.it really is.
     
  2. ecorg911

    ecorg911 Active Member

    I hear this a lot :/, well have you taken into account how your family / friends will be affected by your absence? I am not sure if you yourself has lost someone close to you, as it's sometimes much easier to relate to similar events.

    I always try and look to the future and wonder what I could be doing in say 10 years time, rather than worrying about the present. Everyone has hards times in life, some a lot more than others.

    Could you elaborate on why exactly you feel so down?

    *hugs* :)
     
  3. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    i have no freinds really, just superficial ones.

    my family...they arent a real family, they dont care about me. ive put up with yrs of constant emotional and physical abuse both from my mother and brother. my dads dead.

    no one would notice if i was gone really, so that isnt a worry for me. i could pretend to care, but i just dont.

    i could very well see my mom just being mad at me if i was dead, and constantly talking about how worthles i was, which is exactly what she did when my dad died.

    the reason i feel so down? because i have no family or freinds. thats how they torture some prisoners, they put them in isolation. im tired of this isolation i feel all the time. i have BPD, and not to mention a billion other things wrong with me, like ocd, add, social phobia, depression, sexual addictions...its all just getting to be so much. ive already been denied both therapy and meds by my mother since she doesnt believe that i need help.

    i just cant deal with this on my own. its all just too much...
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please dont give up Nyu. I know it feels like its too much to deal with but please, try your best to carry on. :hug:
     
  5. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    yh, im trying. :(


    my mom is just going crazy though, she wont let me talk to freinds in rl or online, or leave the apartment, so im stuck home staring at the walls wondeing why the hell am i still here ( im at the library right now for homework) all there is is yelling and crap, and she wont just leave her hands off me or stop yelling. i just cant stand it. its too much, but now not being able to talk to anyone either.... im just not sure i can handle it....
     
  6. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    haha, i just sent my "best freind" a message saying tonight is the night.

    what do i get?

    no response!

    wow people are shitty, no one even gives a shit. im just so sick of all of this. im so so sick of it all. im sick of myself!

    hopefully, i do it this time. i cant stand this anymore. yes, tonnight is the night, i hope so so much it is. if im lucky, no one will have to hear from me again, and i wont bother anyone ever again. i give up!

    bye everyone. i really do appreciate all ur support. sf is the only thing thats been keeping me going al this time...v_v
     
  7. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Maybe he dozed off, or would you prefer the ambulance knoicking on your door. Truth of the matter is, we're so stuck in the darkness of misery we woouldn't know what we wanted even if it was an hippo in a pink tutu dancing and singing I'm the answer.
     
  8. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    yh, i guesss so :(

    im just so sick. hes the only person ive ever been close to, and now ive lost him too. ive lost everything... :cry:

    i dont know what to do anymore...
     
  9. Robin

    Robin Guest

    I think being depressed we place all our faith in one trick ponies, when they fail to handle everything you throw at them we feel a great sense of loss. There's not a person, drug, food, or molecule that can keep us happy all the time nor is it reasonable to place our happiness in the hands of just one person or thing.
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello NYU,
    I hope you are still there!! Can I ask how old you are? If you are over 16 you can apply thru social services(I think that is who you go thru) to be a immancipated child. That means you only have to answer to your self. Once you get the papers you are considered an adult. You can do what ever you want and your mom and brother can go to hell.
    You might be eligible for public assistance to get an apartment of your own. While you are filing for that you might want to file abuse papers on your mom. Other words you don't have to take this shit lying down, you can fight back!!! Take care!!~Joseph~
     
  11. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Oh Kira, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through recently. :hug:
    But please, don't do this. There are people that care about you, even if it doesnt seem that way.
     
  12. Misako

    Misako Member

    I'm sorry to hear that Nyu, but you know..you shouldn't give up..even if you say, even if you think nobody is going to miss you. you're still young and at one point you're going to be free and live on your own. Then you can create your own life and dedicate yourself to things you love, so you can try and forget about all the bad days. I do realize it must be hard now, but you know what you're worth. People can say so much about you that you indeed start to believe it in the end (I think someone of SF told me that too) but it really is true. Try and concentrate on what you love, on what you can, on what you want to do in the future. A calm and happy life is hard to find, but only you can make one really.. I do hope you will feel a bit better..there's better people in the world than those who treat you badly *hug*
     
  13. Pingu

    Pingu Well-Known Member

    Nyu, dont end it, i beg you! you are my best friend here on SF.. i know you probably dont consider me ur friend, but ur my friend! You said it urself, things will get better.. just reply back to let us know ur alright, ok? :hug:
     
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