Well

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Tnecniv, Mar 11, 2009.

  1. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    People tell me that life is okay.
    People tell me that everything will be alright.
    People tell me that things will get better.

    I tell myself that nothings ever going to be okay.
    I tell myself that most likely It will never be alright.
    I tell myself that nothing will ever get better... how can it get better when everything only gets worse? I haven't seen any sign of positivity in my life, how can it change now?

    Sure.. things SEEM to get better sometimes, but then everything sucks again... and nothing helps... nothing... try so hard, but even what I do, it only gets worse...

    It sucks...
    I can't see the end of the circle...
    I need something To get myself up...
    But nothing goes my way...
    Nothing....
    Ever...
    I'm so tired...
    I can't lie to myself..
    Why do everyone piss at me?
    Yes... they all piss at me...
    They make my life suck... and so do I....
    I know that if there is a god....
    Then he is laughing right now....
    I Can't see the picture.
    Every tragedy has an end.
    Every story got a solution...
    I just don't see were I'm going to end up...
    I want things to turn my way.
    I don't even know why I am writhing this..
    I'm in hell..
    I'm in the gap between insanity and control...
    I just..... give up....
    I just....

    I wish that my life were different...
    I don't see what's positive...
    I see nothing more then a black hole were I should have been....
    I don't get the help I need, or the support...
    My friends try... or at least I think so...
    But only some of them help, and the ones with greatest power over me really fucks up my life...
    Without knowing of course...

    Well, I can't cope with anything anymore..
    I got too many problems to cope with in this young age...
    To many mental disorders, traumatic events and teenage problems to cope with...

    I want to die, I want to burn...
    Sometimes i wonder how people would react if I cut of my leg or something..
    Maybe then they would notice...
    Maybe then people would stop leaving me.
    Maybe...

    But no female want a man with only one leg, so there, woop, that plan deleted..


    I only need something.... some one I know care, and who I care about... but no one do.... I want to get a friend who is always there... no matter what the cost...
    Thats all I ask for....
    Is that to much?
    I COULD ask for healing my scars.
    I could ask for getting rid of my disorders.
    But no...
    I only want a friend...
    IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!?
    Is THAT what life brings?
    It's god damn it a reasonable request....
    But no....
    It never comes...
    Every time I find someone I need, and I think need me, I get disappointed, let down and hurt.... badly...



    I just want to go home...
    I just want to find someone or somewhere I can call "home"....
    I need a light...
    I lost everything...
    And will loose it again..
    And again...
    And again...
    And again...







    .
     
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug:

    Do you want to talk some more about what is going on?
     
  3. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    Well, you can read my former posts if your interested, then I say much about that, and then I got all these damn teenage problems as well, Which make everything just worse....

    I Have some disorders too, but the therapists and doctors dunno what it is yet, so I'm going to take an MIR and I just finished A Neuropsychological tests or many, many tests, it took four day, and I got one more day to go, and thats on monday.
    They also suspects a mild form for autism, but then again, I got too much empathy for that too, so they think it might be something similar, and also ADD and probably a Paranoia/Panic angst disorder (Would have been called a psychosis if I didn't have a so good grip to reality as I have) something thats not so unusual in my family... = /

    And I have a couple of traumatic events to deal with....