Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ahjo, Jul 22, 2011.

  1. ahjo

    ahjo Active Member

    I haven't been here for few months and so many things have changed in my life.. I feel bit down and useless today so just want to calm down a bit..

    1.. I haven't been thinking about suicide for past few months.. I was thinking about death but not about killing myself.

    2.. I don't drink alcohol and I don't sniff cocaine anymore.. Still smoking weed but I'll never changed this one!

    3.. I live on my own now. Moved to different city. Left all my friends and enemies in previous place.. I love the city I'm in now! It is amazing.. People are friendly and open-minded in here. I've made some new friends.. but feel bit blue staying on my own. Sometimes I really like it, but sometimes I'm scared and paranoid and find quite difficult to fall asleep at night..

    4.. erm.. I don't feel bad about it but I'm not glad that I'm... escort working. I really don't know how to stop it! I mean.. I could find a 'normal' job but I'm scared that I can't do it, that I won't earn enough and I won't be able to maintain myself. I know I can't live like that forever.. and I really want to change it but I really don't know HOW!! I know there is one thing.. and it's gonna be describe in #5

    5.. Like I said in number 4.. I want to change my current situation.. and I think the only one way to do it is to study.. so I did send an application form to the University and I hope to get chance to study in there!! If they gonna give me a chance I won't wasted it and I'll try my best to finish course with good degrees so I afterward I can get good job!!
    If I'm not gonna get in.. probably I'll think about suicide again. LOL.

    6. I still waste loads of time doing nothing.. Sitting and thinking about really stupid things. I think it's might because I want to know already if I got into University or not!

    What do you think .. ?

    M x
  2. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi Megan,

    It’s good to hear that you love the city you are in now…

    Have you thought about what you want to do after graduation? :)

    Maybe you can also take some courses in a college for a kind of office job?

    Maybe you can enjoy reading some books in your spare time?

    With loving wishes and hugs :hug:
  3. ahjo

    ahjo Active Member

    The thing is that I don't have any experience in any kind of job! I mean I used to be a nanny.. and that's the only thing which is in my CV.
    And.. what would i say if somebody ask me..What have you been doing for last two years? Should I say.. nothing.. or tell some lies or..just say.. I was a prostitute?
    That's the fact which annoys me the most.. i have no evidence of working for past two years.
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    I guess to keep it simple, say "nothing" is probably better... If you go to school or do some study before you start to look for a job, then you can say I've been studying?

    Once you get started, it will get easier. Any idea what kind of job you'd start with?

    Wish you luck! :)
  5. ahjo

    ahjo Active Member

    The course I applied for it is Interior Design and I hope to do it after graduation..