Went totally psycho last night/this morning :( I need some advice, please.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TooShyToScream, Feb 12, 2011.

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  1. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    Since last night, my emotions have been completely out of control. I was hysterically crying, completely convinced (at the time) that my life was over and the only way to escape the pain was through suicide. I couldn't sleep, my fiance was trying to sleep, but I kept crying for help. I was seriously in panic mode at this point - thinking that if he didn't help me, it meant he didn't love me, which would mean there would be nothing left to live for. If he didn't help me, I was intent on heading to my house (we live at his at the moment) and trying to kill myself. I told him that I felt this way. He said that I was extremely hot and sweaty and needed to cool down, else I'd pass out. I couldn't breathe properly, my breaths came out very rapidly one after the other, and were very short. I sounded and felt like I was already dying. But when he held me and tried to calm me down, I calmed down and eventually fell asleep. I kept waking up all throughout the night though, tossing and turning and having disturbing dreams. I had to go to school this morning but I couldn't because of how I felt, and I was convinced that my fiance hated me and thought I was a total loser and a failure for it. When I woke up in the morning, the crying fits started yet again. My poor fiance was so confused and clueless as to how to help me. He'd hold me and tell me it's okay and I'd calm down, and then he'd fall back asleep and I'd start crying again. I was only okay when he was paying some sort of attention to me. He said I needed professional help that he just couldn't provide for me and didn't know what to do at that point anymore. This only made me cry harder. I felt completely and utterly doomed and that no one would ever be able to help me (again, leaving death as my only option). Again thoughts of suicide, and fearing that he hates me and was going to leave me were circling around in my head. I kept repeating "please don't leave me", "please don't hate me" through my loud sobs, etc. As I looked at him, he looked so sad, and it made me feel so awful that I was doing this to him. I decided I needed to either get an emergency appointment with the psychiatrist today or go to the hospital. I NEED some benzos to calm me down when I get this way. That's not even in question. I absolutely need them. My emotional instability and panic attacks are not something anti-depressants are going to fix. So I decided I was set on seeing a doctor today and getting him to prescribe me some ativan or klonopin, just SOMETHING that would work in calming me down. I was even going to call my therapist and ask her for her advice on where I should go, doctors office or hospital, but she didn't pick up. And then my fiance suggested that I wait until monday to try to do that and then he'd come with me...and for today, he gave me part of my valentine's day present early (a cartoon I really like on dvd) so that I could watch it all day and stay calm, and gave me some of his suboxone to help me relax. I do feel better now after I took his medicine, but that's his for his opiate dependence. I desperately need my own, I need something that helps when I'm in crisis like that...not some stinking prozac. So my question is this, what is the best way to ask a doctor for benzos so that they don't think you're just wanting them to get high? How can I prove that I need them? What should I say/do? Would it help to bring my fiance/mom to the appointment to verify what I'm saying and back me up? Please, I really need some advice. I need that medicine. I can't miss any more school days and burden my fiance like this anymore, and I can't handle it myself anymore either.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2011
  2. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    What benzo's have you had before? Ask for a small number of them. Last time I was given Diazepam I was given 6 pills to get me through the weekend. Ask for shorter acting ones like Lorazepam which don't give you the hang over effects like Diaz does. I have been given them in the past as I spoke about how the helped me and just asked for a small number so I didn't become dependent on them.

    If you are really struggling you should go to your ER and see someone in Crisis.

  3. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    I never had any prescibed to me before, but I've taken ativan (lorazepam). They were only .5 mgs though and I had to take like 4 of them to feel calmer. I'll keep that in mind though, to ask for a small amount and I'll try to lie and say I was prescribed some on the past. Thank you for the advice.
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Wow 0.5g is a small dose. On the wards we use 1-2g. So no wonder why it didn't work. Last time I went to the GP he asked me what I wanted him to do. So I just said I need some loraz 1g, I need a referral to psych etc etc. And he did it. I think usually they want to work with you and not against you. As long as you don't abuse them or come to rely on them. I find taht went I first get them I take them when I need it. But then when it comes to having one left I never take it. But I know it's there in case of emergencies. I know it's going to be a while before I can get any more again so I am really holding on to it.
  5. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    Well, I asked my mom to make me an appointment with her psychiatrist because I think I may be able to get in there faster than with my own. So we'll see. If I can't get an appointment for like a month though and I have another episode like that again, I'll probably need to just go to the hospital :/ I hope it doesn't come down to that though. Sigh. I'm scared of this happening again and I just want my meds.
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Do you need a Pdoc to perscribe meds...can't you see a general doctor? In a way it's such a shame you live in a place where healthcare isn't free. I know we pay more tax etc than you guys but even for people who dont they still get healthcare. It must be awful knowing that if you went to the ER for help you are then going to get lumbered with a bill! It must put you off getting help.

    Are there any phone services you can access for free. Are there any charaties etc that offer free counselling etc. The place I SEE at the moment is a charity. Not sure if would help you but you can get email support and there is good info etc on www.harmless.org.uk Try emailing them. Obs don't say where you are but you may be able to get support from them via email. It's such a small place that I doubt they'd be checking IP addresses and what not.

  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I asked my doctor to prescrbe me xanax and he didn't have any problem with it.. As far as not sleeping ask him for trazadone.. It's an antidipressant but it does help you sleep..Right now I think you need the rest...
  8. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Yeah but be aware what you ask for. Try not to go naming drugs etc. It worked with me as I work in psychiarty so have a good knowledge. Well a better knowledge than if I hadn't. Just ask for something to help you sleep or make you less anxous. If it's more sleep just say I need something to help get me back in a routine so I only want 4-5 nights worth of pills so I can get in to that routine then I'll be ok. If you go in there saying I want this this and this it's less likely to get you what you want.

  9. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    But of course it depends on the way your doc works. I know how mine work now and I can get out of them what I want. Most general docs have only done a few weeks/months placement in psychiatry if anything at all. But then saying that 1 in 3 people that go to their doc is as of psych problems.

  10. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    I think I'll start out asking for an anxiety medication, specifying that I don't mean an anti-depressant. If they don't give me what I'm looking for, then I suppose I'll mention what I want. It can't hurt at that point anymore right? And I'll say I had it before and ask for a minimal amount, etc. I doubt that my general doctor will prescribe me anything like that. She's a bitch. And being that I don't have my insurance at the moment, I feel like I'll be wasting my money going to her right now. So until I get my medical back (which by the way I'm working on finally - I filled out an application and now just waiting for their reply) I think seeing a psychiatrist would be the most beneficial. As for phone services and such, I'm scared of the phone because of my social anxiety, and I highly doubt it'd help at that point anyway. When I feel that bad, there's nothing they can really say to me to help. I think going to the hospital would be my only option to keep me from hurting myself if my fiance can't help me.

    Stranger - I hate trazodone :/ my fiance has it for sleeping and not only does it not work, it also makes my mouth extremely dry and keeps me from sleeping even more. I hate it.

    On another note, my fiance brought me a dozen white roses when he came home from work today :D it made me feel really happy and cared about. Especially after everything that went on earlier, it means so much that he wants to make me feel better :)
  11. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    That was really sweet, the flowers, he must love you so much.

    To me sounds like you had a panic attack, Ive also had these in the past and my doc recommended me to first try

    you know how you pop your ears when in a plane. Do this a couple of times, and if that didnt work the next thing is to

    bear down in your chest, in throat (so hard to explain) like your holding your breathe and causing pressure on your chest. Also do this a couple of times.

    I take xanax for my anxiety and it works alot but the side affects for me is difficutly sleeping and seems to make me in a angry mood. Doesnt mean it will have that affect on you and I still take them even with these side effects, sometimes its all that will help.

    Good Luck, hope that help some.
  12. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    Doityourself - thanks for the help. He does love me very much :) I just tend to forget sometimes because of my disorder. He's worked so hard on my valentine's day gifts and all that. :)

    So what I'm getting is that basically some doctors have no problem giving them out, it just depends on the doctor. So if one denies it, just means I have to try someone else. Thank you, everyone, for the advice. I think I know what I'm going to say. Wish me luck and hope it works!
  13. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    Guys I just have one more question...if I say I've been prescribed and taken a certain drug before is there any way they can look that up and call me out on it (if it wasn't at their facility)?
  14. kote

    kote Account Closed

    wow it looks like you had such a hard night!!! im so sorry to hear that as i understand as i periodically go through the same myself. i hope you can get and catch up on your rest soon.
    im currently on 6mg of lorazapam a day - along with a load of other stuff.
    its nice and calming in 2mg doses and if im in a real panic 4mg.
    i see my dr. once a month and if ive had a bad time he will give me a strong injection of diazapam. this knocks me out and i wake well rested. also relaxed as if my worries have been taken away.
    it so does depend on the dr. you have and the relationship you build. i went through 3 before i found one i liked and most of all trusted.
    im wishing you and your fiance the best. sometimes this sickness really messes us up. take care and try to relax. maybe mention to your dr. about this website and what weve experienced and been prescribed. sometimes the drs. need a bit of a push!!!
  15. hopeless13

    hopeless13 Well-Known Member

    i wish i cld take medication but every day is a constant struggle
    i am allergic - life threatening to the meds
    so here i am with no help
    ready to call it quits
  16. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I am outpatient 5 years now.no psych or doctor would give me any meds even when I told them I was so suicidal I was scared.
    You sound very anxious.i hope they give you something.
    Its hard to get benzoids
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