Since last night, my emotions have been completely out of control. I was hysterically crying, completely convinced (at the time) that my life was over and the only way to escape the pain was through suicide. I couldn't sleep, my fiance was trying to sleep, but I kept crying for help. I was seriously in panic mode at this point - thinking that if he didn't help me, it meant he didn't love me, which would mean there would be nothing left to live for. If he didn't help me, I was intent on heading to my house (we live at his at the moment) and trying to kill myself. I told him that I felt this way. He said that I was extremely hot and sweaty and needed to cool down, else I'd pass out. I couldn't breathe properly, my breaths came out very rapidly one after the other, and were very short. I sounded and felt like I was already dying. But when he held me and tried to calm me down, I calmed down and eventually fell asleep. I kept waking up all throughout the night though, tossing and turning and having disturbing dreams. I had to go to school this morning but I couldn't because of how I felt, and I was convinced that my fiance hated me and thought I was a total loser and a failure for it. When I woke up in the morning, the crying fits started yet again. My poor fiance was so confused and clueless as to how to help me. He'd hold me and tell me it's okay and I'd calm down, and then he'd fall back asleep and I'd start crying again. I was only okay when he was paying some sort of attention to me. He said I needed professional help that he just couldn't provide for me and didn't know what to do at that point anymore. This only made me cry harder. I felt completely and utterly doomed and that no one would ever be able to help me (again, leaving death as my only option). Again thoughts of suicide, and fearing that he hates me and was going to leave me were circling around in my head. I kept repeating "please don't leave me", "please don't hate me" through my loud sobs, etc. As I looked at him, he looked so sad, and it made me feel so awful that I was doing this to him. I decided I needed to either get an emergency appointment with the psychiatrist today or go to the hospital. I NEED some benzos to calm me down when I get this way. That's not even in question. I absolutely need them. My emotional instability and panic attacks are not something anti-depressants are going to fix. So I decided I was set on seeing a doctor today and getting him to prescribe me some ativan or klonopin, just SOMETHING that would work in calming me down. I was even going to call my therapist and ask her for her advice on where I should go, doctors office or hospital, but she didn't pick up. And then my fiance suggested that I wait until monday to try to do that and then he'd come with me...and for today, he gave me part of my valentine's day present early (a cartoon I really like on dvd) so that I could watch it all day and stay calm, and gave me some of his suboxone to help me relax. I do feel better now after I took his medicine, but that's his for his opiate dependence. I desperately need my own, I need something that helps when I'm in crisis like that...not some stinking prozac. So my question is this, what is the best way to ask a doctor for benzos so that they don't think you're just wanting them to get high? How can I prove that I need them? What should I say/do? Would it help to bring my fiance/mom to the appointment to verify what I'm saying and back me up? Please, I really need some advice. I need that medicine. I can't miss any more school days and burden my fiance like this anymore, and I can't handle it myself anymore either.